Just thought I’d write about this weird cognitive dissonance, I guess, or whatever we should call this…
I have quit two different jobs, just, boom, quit, no notice, because I felt it wasn’t a fair/good environment, and most importantly, I didn’t see a good future there. (Therefore, it wasn’t worth my time…)
For instance, one time my boss yelled at me for staying late and doing extra work (I was salaried – so, no OT or anything, no reason to be upset)… But she was mad about the fact that, according to her, I was trying to “cut in line” for a promotion – and that when it opened up, it was going to this other guy who’d been there longer (no matter how hard I worked, or what skills I learned).
And I thought, “this is not a place that looks to have a promising future. I’m gonna learn, stay late, and work hard, and I want that to mean something. I’m certainly not gonna stand in line behind some man who’s doing the super bare minimum over there.”
So, I left my keycard, fill out my timecard, and wrote an email I was quitting, and I just left.
I worked at another place where they treated their employees poorly in a number of ways. I did try to fix things at first… I had a talk with the bosses about it (that didn’t matter). I asked the union if they wanted to try to flip it (wasn’t plausible). So, not seeing many other options, I was like “then, I’m out.” (And I took someone from there to a better job with me!)
And yet, when it came to an abusive man, I just took it all.
I was at a friend’s house having dinner one time, and I was basically “summoned” by an abusive man. He started texting me, and impressed upon me that I needed to get over there (even though we’d had no plans to hang out that night; it wasn’t an emergency, he just wanted me to stop what I was doing for him. And if i didn’t, boy oh boy, was I gonna be in trouble).
And my friend I was with was looking at the texts with me, being like, “you’re allowing him to talk to you this way?! …And you… you’re gonna reward this?!”
He was shocked. For the most part, up to that point, we’d talked about our careers, lives, hobbies. We’d talked a lot about politics (who hasn’t, in the recent years). But we’d never really talked much about people we were involved with in any kind of relationship-py type way.
And he. was. shocked.
He basically was like, “I thought I knew you. You have such a good head on your shoulders. You’re so smart and so confident. And you know what you’re worth… But then you get these text messages, and it’s like you’re an entirely different person.”
And he’s right.
I don’t know 100% what it is about me that makes me say, “This job isn’t treating me right? BYE” vs “this man is very harmful? How can I be better to make him stop?”
…But I do think it’s an interesting oddness about me…
[Edited to add: In trauma therapy, I learned more about how my past affects the stuff I’m willing to put up with from romantic partners… But I still don’t know where that work confidence comes from haha.]
That’s all I’ve got to say for today!
[This is from the series on sexual assault.]