Just thought I’d write about this weird cognitive dissonance, I guess, or whatever we should call this…
I have quit two different jobs, just, boom, quit, no notice, because I felt it wasn’t a fair/good environment, and most importantly, I didn’t see a good future there. (Therefore, it wasn’t worth my time…)
For instance, one time my boss yelled at me for staying in line, saying I was trying to “cut in line” for a promotion – and that when it opened up, it was going to this other guy who’d been there longer. And I thought, “this is not a place that looks to have a promising future. I don’t just wait in line based on seniority. I’m gonna learn, and stay late, and work hard, and I want that to mean something. I’m certainly not gonna stand in line behind some man who’s doing the super bare minimum over there.”
So, I left my keycard, fill out my timecard, and wrote and email I was quitting, and I just left.
I’m like, “I. will. not. stand. for. this.”
And yet, when it came to an abusive man, I just took it all.
I was at a friend’s house having dinner one time, and I was basically “summoned” by an abusive man. He started texting me, and he was already mad at me for some other small thing. And he basically impressed upon me that I needed to get over there (even though we’d had no plans to hang out that night; it wasn’t an emergency, he just wanted me to stop what I was doing for him). And he wasn’t phrasing things nicely at all (quite mean-ly actually). And my friend I was with was looking at the texts with me, being like, “you’re allowing him to talk to you this way?! …And you… you’re gonna reward this?!”
He was shocked. For the most part, up to that point, we’d talked about our careers, lives, hobbies. We’d talked a lot about politics (who hasn’t, in the recent years). But we’d never really talked much about people we were involved with in any kind of relationship-py type way.
And he. was, shocked.
He basically was kind of like, “I thought I knew you. You have such a good head on your shoulders. You’re so smart and so confident. And you know what you’re worth… But then you get these text messages, and it’s like you’re an entirely different person.”
And he’s right.
I don’t know 100% what it is about me that makes me say, “This job isn’t treating me right? BYE” vs “this man is very harmful? How can I be better to make him stop?”
…But I do think it’s an interesting oddness about me…
That’s all I’ve got to say for today!