Last week, I talked about how much I hated feeling oh so apathetic all the time. And I do hate it, for the most part.
But the one maybe kinda sorta kinda upside ish is that things start feeling less important… That’s a confusing statement. So, what I mean is, it used to feel like everything was sooooo important (as you’ve seen over the years in this blog). I have to get an A. I have to do well on this [whatever].
And I like being like that! It’s one of my defining characteristics. However, there’s something that’s been slightly freeing in like, “whatever” about smaller things… “Did I phrase such and such perfectly?” “Does this person think I’m cool?” Sort of “smaller” (ish) things that really don’t hold quite as much as importance in the scheme of life… are starting to hold less importance in the scheme of life.
And to some extent that feels a little bit nice and healthy and freeing.
I mean, many things still feel empty and that sucks. Many things that actually are important such as some of my friendships) and some other things are falling into this same category of “it doesn’t matter” (since of course so much seems to not matter). But they do matter! And it’s frustrating to not have the care inside to care about seemingly anything.
So, overall, I’d waaaaaay take what I had over what I have now – for sure. I’m not saying this huge amount of apathy is a good thing. It’s really most definitely for sure not a good thing. But. There is a little bit of good in the bad thing. And I thought it was worth at least bringing a little attention to it.