[I know, it’s like I teased you with a cool non-sexual assault post. And now I’m doing another one. Sorry.]
One of the things in this journey of sexual assault and the recovery of it all that I’ve struggled with on and off, is that sometimes it has just felt like, “This isn’t FAIR! It’s not fair that my dream was on hold. It’s not fair that not only does he face no consequences (while I seemingly face many), but also he has no remorse.” And on and on and on. Y’all know all about it and the parts that didn’t seem so fair.
And I think a little bit of the struggle was because as I grew up, like most of us, I learned, “life’s not fair.” …But, I think I kind of always just thought of it in a very small scale. Like, “oh, well, sometimes someone will get more ice cream than you” or something…
I don’t think I ever really totally put it together that when people say “life isn’t fair,” it means life can reeeeeeeeally not be fair – like, for real.
I’ve experienced things that were “unfair.” For instance, I never got paid for my last 3 1/2 weeks of this one television show I worked on. And it wasn’t fair. And ultimately, the place went bankrupt (and also I moved to New York), and I never got the money.
And I think before this, I always just kind of thought, “Well, life always evens out” (like that Seinfeld episode where everything always evens out exactly for Jerry). You know, I didn’t get that money from that one job. But then, I got a big raise on my next job. So, it was just kinda like, “Well, it’ll all come out in the wash, I guess.”
And I think this wreaks of privilege – for me to say I didn’t totally understand that the world is really unfair.
Think of people being murdered – think of the black people being murdered by the very people who are supposed to protect them. Think about crimes people get away with. Think about oppression of all different kinds of people – not even just in other countries, but here in America too.
I can’t even begin to list all the problems of the world here.
For a while, it felt sort of easy to sort of ignore some of those problems. I think as we become more and more aware of them, that becomes harder and harder and harder. But I understand how you live your own life that you’re focusing on. (After all, we can’t bathe in the unfairness of the world; we can’t solve every single problem…)
But I never really realized when people said, “Life is unfair,” they mean it can really be downright evil. Not everything will “just even itself out.” You can try to get over evil things. (And maybe you can.) But it won’t always be as simple as “gosh darn it, I lost $20.” “…Oh, look! This scratch-off ticket my friend gave me won $20!”
Donald Trump is President. Possibly one of the worst men to ever live is the President of the United States. Think of aaaaaaaaaall the people he’s deeply wronged throughout his life. And now they’re seeing him getting to live in the White House, ride in Air Force one, and just get to be the President. (Usually I’d say it comes with a lot of work, but I doubt so in his case.)
Now, hopefully those people’s lives got better. And maybe wonderful things happened to them. And i think to some extent, we can try to be in charge (ish) of our own happiness.
But, “life is unfair” is a life lesson that goes far deeper than I ever really stopped to think about. And I don’t think it’s something I do really wanna dwell on or think about often. But just something interesting to me that I thought I’d ponder in this post.