One of the things I am most embarrassed about in my life is that after open-heart surgery – after I was finally free to live however I wanted and do whatever I wanted – I didn’t do another distance race for about a year and a half.
I was totally fine and totally free, but I still struggled. I’d gotten so used to being a patient and practically living in the hospital, I no longer really knew how to be free.
And in many ways, I sort of wasted a year and a half of my life… Of course, that’s not to say I did nothing at all. Some cool and fun things happened between summer 2010 and winter 2011. But I didn’t fly.
I’ve been in the gym a lot lately. I am going to rock the L.A. marathon this March! And I have to tell you, it makes me so unbelievably, grossly, obnoxiously happy when I run. I am a superhero flying through the air!
Of course, in real life I look like some girl jogging. But I feel like I’m on top of the world soaring through the air. And that’s the important part – how I feel.
(It almost makes me feel this good just in my normal day-to-day life.)
I am really using my legs. I push myself. I mean, I’m smart enough not to push myself so hard to the point of injury (knock on wood), but I push myself to work harder. “You’ve got another sprint in you!” “You’ve got another mile!”
And every time I push myself a little harder than the day before, I come back to my apartment practically euphoric. I see the speeds increase on the treadmill. I can literally see the improvement right before my eyes.
And my legs are so happy with me.
I feel bad that I ever let them just hang out and not train for a distance race (after I had already discovered how much I love running said distance races). No use in getting bent out of shape with the past. What’s important is now (and the future).
I am making a promise to my legs. As long as they can carry me (which I hope is the rest of my life), I will give them the gift of running. I will never take advantage of the wonder of my legs again.
(p.s. This post does feel to me like I’m maybe re-treading something I said during my 52 half marathons… But even if that’s the case, probably never hurts to reiterate how thankful I am for the ability to run, or my commitment to keeping it going for the rest of my life…)