If you’re getting notified about this, FYI, this post is old.
I’m not gonna say police officers are never helpful. That’d be a crazy blanket statement. The transit officer who took my statement after a man reached up my skirt and grabbed my vagina was very helpful. When I apologized for wasting her time on such a small crime, she was quick to say, ‘No, no, no. I’m so glad you came in. This all needs to be reported, because the more it’s reported, the more we can try to help stop it. We can’t stop who/what we don’t about.’
So, you might have a lovely interaction with the police! You might have an exceptionally helpful boss, or dean, or whatever. You might get help in all of the places you hope to (or originally expect to). I don’t wanna paint a super bleak picture full of impossibilities.
But you also might not. Friends you love might not have the capacity to truly understand, and they may say the wrong thing, or just misunderstand what it’s like to go through the healing process. And therefore, they not be there for you in ways you (or even they) wish they could be.
You might not get the kind of support you need from the people you often lean on. When I say I think there’s always gotta be some way to get some help, that doesn’t mean I think there’s always a way to get perfection, or the outcome you want, or a “fair” (or just) result… I mean that, for the time being, you focus on what you need, to deal with the situation.
You can dig your heels in and fight at every turn, and go to court if you want.
Or, you can dig your heels in, in a different way, and quietly stay at your [job, school, etc.] you love, while you steel yourself to see your (unpunished, unaffected) rapist everyday.
Or, you can leave to some other city or state (or country!) and totally get away from it all.
Or just do whatever you want!
Whatever it is, you have to do what feels right for you.
I don’t think there are any officially, specifically, definitively “right” choices when it comes to all of this. I just think you have to do whatever it is you feel is best for you.
You may not ever get an apology, a conviction, or any other number of things. Your life may be derailed in completely and utterly unfair ways. And that suuucks.
But ultimately, you just gotta try to stay alive, stay functional, and hopefully find a life you can be happy living (even if it’s not the “fair” one)…
[This is part of the sexual assault series.]