If you’re getting notified about this, FYI, this post is old.
Picking up from yesterday –
It kind of feels like every time I’m going through something hard, I think there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, and I try to run to the end of it. And I get there! And I’m in the sunshine for what feels like a short amount of time, until, poof! Another tunnel falls on me! Am I ever gonna get to spend considerable time in the sun? Do I somehow bring these tunnels on myself?…)
Am I this tenacious person who will fight no matter what obstacles befall me, or do I crumble harder, or easier, or faster than some others would under obstacles? Did I not handle that year in and out of the hospital as well as some others might have? Did I not bounce back from being assaulted as well as some others might have? (Or even as well as I personally did when I was raped in college?).
Is there always gonna be some “setback,” some “excuse”? Do I just have weird random bad luck about some things, or am I somehow making things into bigger things than they are, or somehow bringing this bad luck on me? [I mean, it’d be pretty darn hard to blame me for a congenital heart defect. But we could try! haha]
So, I dunno. As per usual, I don’t really super know much of anything sometimes, it seems.
So, am I a triumphant Phoenix who’s always rising from the ashes? Or am I mess who falls into bad situations (her fault or the universe’s or both?) who can’t get her life together to save her life?
Maybe time will tell, and also whatever narrator ends up being the person who tells the story. Maybe it won’t even be told. After all, I’m just a little blogger right now… I have big dreams, but I might be basically unknown ’til the day I die. Anything is possible. I usually say that because I believe any dreams can come true, but that also, I suppose, means outcomes I don’t want are possible too. So, we’ll see!
Ah, confusing, complicated, convoluted, weird, interesting life.
[For more in the sexual assault series, you can go here. Thanks!]