[*dance music plays*]
I know we’ve had all these moments along the way where it’s like, “I’m not crying myself to sleep anymore. Life is getting back to normal!”
And every little victory, or thing that wasn’t just drowning in despair seemed like this kind of big deal.
…But now, life is truly getting closer and closer to back to full total normal. And it’s not there yet. It’ll probably still be a while. But today, I woke up and thought, “I really feel like going to an exercise class!”
It wasn’t a whole “oh goodness. I gotta drag myself to this thing I don’t have energy for.” I woke up and wanted to go.
And then(!), I went. And I sorta kept up! …I’m not using the weight amounts I used to (yet!). And I’m still modifying some planks and things that I didn’t used to modify before. But. I generally kept up with the pace of class, at least (even if I was doing some exercises with modifications).
And the dope music was playing, and when we faced the mirror, I saw in my face that you can sort of kind of tell what I look like again, as the blubber kind of starts to come off, and my clothes fit a little better and everything.
I’ve got a long way to go, and I know that. But I’m starting to look like me, and I’m starting to feel like me. And I’m having so many little victories.
I also went to the grocery store today! I have been always having everything delivered. (Granted, living in Times Square, even at my healthiest, I’ll probably often use Amazon Prime when in New York.) But out here, I just walked over to Target. No big deal. I didn’t have to psych myself up for hours before I did it, or walk in fear, or avoid eye contact with anyone.
I’m no longer having moments of functioning like a human being, and thinking it’s time to throw a parade. Instead, I’m just functioning as a human being (and maybe having moments of otherwise, so it’s kinda switched around, which i find great).
And holy goodness is it nice. I can’t wait until I’m reeeeeally really really super back to me. (And I know I’m always me, but I don’t like this version as much haha. So, I’m on the good road [I think]!)