Picking up from yesterday –
There aren’t a lot of game shows where you can make reasonably “life-changing” money. “Life-changing” money is gonna depend on the person – and also on how much you want your life to change/what you need.
Also, maybe game shows aren’t meant to change your life. I thought of Price is Right and Let’s Make a Deal as a lark. Usually the most you can expect to win on those is around $20,000… Maybe more like $40,000-$50,000 if you have an extremely lucky day on Price, win your game (probably for a car, and maybe money on top of it) and make it to the showcase, and have a good showcase as well.
Even at those amounts of money, I usually expect those things to be trips or cars, so you know you’re not gonna get the full amount. You’re kind of going on for fun – which is probably exactly what game shows are supposed to be.
But on Wheel, $40,000 doesn’t seem like the top amount – it seems totally within reach! $37,000 is the MINIMUM amount for the bonus round! Just win that, and you’re good.
And if I could just get to the bonus round and win even the minimum, then I was basically gonna be able to have the surgery in the free and clear. I thought “finally – FINALLY – my life is about to ‘start’ baby!
We can pretend these ups and downs never happened. I will happily take my gorgeous gift from the universe, and I will go audition and dance my little HEART out, in a body that makes people think I can be cast to do that.”
[And I reeeeeeeally don’t want to hear any “body positivity” things here. I work really hard for my body. And I’d like it if extra skin from being fat wasn’t in the way.]
And you can argue that it’s all my fault – maybe I should’ve somehow known about my heart condition before college. Or maybe once I found out – even with all the surgeries and the time stuck in a hospital bed, I should’ve tried to figure out a way to not let my life take a such a downward turn, and not gained the weight (and that’s a fair critique!).
And/or when it finally made an upturn, I shouldn’t have gotten involved with that guy. [Trust me(!), I have thought about it a lot in my life. I don’t so much anymore, because there’s no use dwelling, but that thought has been fully fleshed out in my brain.] And I shouldn’t have let it affect me and blah blah blah. There are shoulds not not have gotten where I am, but this is where I am.
Yes, I could’ve done things differently to not need plastic surgery. I also could’ve saved a lot more money in my life to be able to have it! Yes, there are a lot of things that wouldn’t have put me in the spot I’m in. I do recognize that! You don’t need to tell me hahaha.
But I am in the spot I’m in. And I’m not getting any younger! I WANT to dance for an NBA team before this life is over. I still have a really fair number of years ahead of me where that is not an insane dream, but those years go by FAST. I wanted to have plastic surgery this year.
And maybe I still will! We don’t know. It’s just that, I don’t know. I kind of had this dream that Wheel was gonna be my nice re-set – not just for my physically, or money-wise, but a fun, great story that could be an exciting triumphant story to re-start blogging again!
But that’s not how it happened.
So, there’s more to say and more to talk about. And yes, I will work on trying to find multiple sources of income. [e.g. I’m trying to get people to commission songs. I’ve signed up to teach lessons online. I’m seeing what else I can do for extra cash.] I’ll do my best to make it happen.
Just woulda been nicer to do it without all this extra work. And I am disappointed and embarrassed in myself in many ways, but *shrug*. So be it. You just gotta keep moving forward, I supposed.