Okay, you’ve gotta imagine this is publishing in January 2021, as, as you well know, I’m continuing to catch up.
I started this pandemic super bright-eyed. Wanted to keep a good attitude, and make new (hopefully good) memories.
I stayed really disciplined for the first 6 months or so. Was really productive. Kept up with friends. Did virtual volunteering. Went back to school. Worked a lot (including odd jobs like having other people commission me to write songs).
I’ve generally always kept faith that things were gonna be okay. (And I recognize that’s a very privileged take.)
I’ve seen people this whole time, doing what I assume is some version of a semi-exaggerated ‘character’, mixed with themselves. Where it’s kind of like “Oh, buddy boy, look how bad things are.”
For a while, I was super against playing into that character at all. Because I don’t see how it’s fun if everyone is doing the same thing.
For some people, it makes them feel part of a group. But to me, it’s not fun. And it’s not usually fun to joke in a negative manner. I can understand it as a coping skill. But especially since (again, privileged), so much as gone so well for me throughout the pandemic, I haven’t wanted to even ‘joke’ in a negative way, because I don’t want that persona to seep into how I actually feel.
[I’ve always heard our brains can’t tell the difference between jokes and the truth, and if we say something too much – even as a joke – it becomes too ingrained in us. I don’t know if that’s true, but I could believe it!]
So, it just had never felt like ‘me’ to do those negative persona jokes.
And yet…
I dunno, there are parts of this pandemic that have been hard for me. And I’m starting to let that negative persona seep through.
And the videos that let the negative persona slip through get a little more attention, so that gives me a weird pause of like ‘uh, what does that mean?’ And sure, I want views, but I don’t want to play into it.
Anyway, I don’t want to let the pandemic ‘get’ me – not just in the literal way of getting the disease, but sort of getting this negativity disease as well. I dunno. Maybe I’m already infected. But anyway, enjoy 2 TikToks I made in the last couple months that are shining examples of what I’m talking about.