So, I saw this Tik tok.
[And in case the link breaks or anything, it’s a video from @podcrushed. And she talks about how she’s heard that every human being needs to have a tether – that humans need unconditional love, as that is a tether. And if they don’t have at least one tether, they live in a state of crisis.]
And she’s mainly using the example of parents and kids here.
But what does that mean? Because soooo many people don’t have parents. And even though she talks about having kids as maybe getting that unconditional love again, gives you a new tether when your parents are gone.
But I imagine the way parents love their children has to be different than the way children love their parents.
Many parents often say “I never fully understood love until I had a kid” or “you’ll just never be able to understand it until you have a kid.”
So, if it’s a type of feeling you CANNOT have unless you have a kid, it cannot be a feeling you have for your parent(s), or else you would’ve already had it.
I saw a different interesting Tik Tok video the other day about the idea that some people think romantic relationships should have unconditional love, but they were arguing that they vehemently disagreed with that – and that romantic relationships are two adults agreeing to be together, and that it’s definitely not unconditional because there are conditions.
You need that person to show up, to be your partner, to not endanger you, etc. etc. And if they do something that’s a ‘dealbreaker’, then you don’t have to take it.
Yeah, sure, unconditional in that if they get sick you’ll stay with them, things like that. But if they endanger you or your kid, for many people cheating is a dealbreaker as well, that kind of stuff… They were saying it’s okay to have conditions in an adult relationship.
I don’t have kids, but it is hard to imagine that it’s completely unconditional. Like, it’s hard to imagine a serial killer’s parents still truly loving him. But I dunno.
Anyway, I was actually brought comfort by the tik tok (that I’m sorry I can’t find; I just saw it in passing and didn’t save it) that love doesn’t have to be unconditional, that it’s meant to be conditional.
Because it’s overwhelming to think of truly *unconditionally* loving someone.
Of course there are people in my life who have built up TONS of goodwill, and TONS of trust. And if one of those super inner circle people did something awful to me, or to someone else, I would have a HUGE amount of empathy first and I would let them explain, and I’d be way more likely to forgive her. So, I definitely have relationships that are *close* to unconditional love with TONS of benefit of the doubt.
And I think those are healthy, and they do give a nice sense of safety, and a “tether.”
But I just wonder like what truly unconditional really means, how often that comes around, and how truly necessary it is.