BMI Thoughts – I Miss Autonomy (Though There Maybe Actually Is Some…)

Saturday, February 20th, 2016

Picking up from last time –

I haven’t always been in charge. I have been a subordinate on TV shows – where I thought we really should keep a joke or whatever. And the producer tells you you’ve got to cut it out. And you do it, because that person’s your boss. You don’t have to argue, because there’s a hierarchy and it’s simple.

But in this whole working exactly together all the time, it’s confusing and it’s hard.

And it’s so hard too because you only perform maybe once a month. So you bathe in a failure for a while.

And there are no scene nights. There is nothing extra. I mean, I guess there is just New York in general. Some of the people in my class are performing at 54 Below here and there. I mean, you can try to do stuff in the city. And that’s a thing, I guess.

Also, B and I were talking about how I had my 7-point plan in high school to become theater president. And I exclaimed, “There’s no 7-point-plan to be made here!”

…which she started to explain actually isn’t true.

She’s said, “Well, you could try to give insightful comments to every song. You could try to get to know people at the bar. You could reach out to people individually and form more friendships that way. You could go to more stuff – people’s shows, the lyricist hang-out, all that jazz.”

I may half-hate to admit it, but she was kind of right. I think there probably is a 7-point-plan to be cracked in BMI.

I’m not 100% sure if it’s too late. It might not be. It might feel that way, but that’s probably false.

So, I dunno.

*Sigh*

[Edited to add: A lot kind of happened quickly in my life, and I really felt I had to leave after all, and did not have time to turn it around… which is too bad. I like to think it’s never too late… but sometimes with things with finite ends and deadlines and such… it is.]

*Shakes head*

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