Picking up from yesterday –
So, sometimes you just have to do your best, and do the hard work at home and in therapy (if you choose to go to therapy), because the goal is that you do the work to the point where whatever you are dealing with – you do reroute your neurons (or however that works, I’m not a doctor), and you do learn techniques so no one knows about your tragic past(TM (trademark – not my trademark, it’s an internet thing… never mind), unless you decide to tell them… So, it’s not just like [*sharp look/zoom in*] oooh, yeah, that person is damaged fo’ sho.
I feel like I’m having a hard time getting across what I want to say. But basically, I just feel like so often anytime we want to talk about what’s going on (even if we just wanna talk to ourselves!), we shut it down with “no excuses, no excuses to be “bad” or “weak” or mess up, or whatever…. I’m strong. I’m fine,” as if needing to work something out is somehow not being “strong.”
I also feel like sometimes we shut ourselves down with something like, “So and so had it worse! If I didn’t grow up in a war town country then I don’t deserve to talk about my [whatever].”
For the most part, this blog is filled with patient readers who (even in the midst of my gajillion posts on this stuff) thankfully aren’t really yelling me at me to just shut up already, or anything. And yet, oftentimes when I post, I think, “I need to just suck it up already. This is so lame with my ‘excuses’ of why it’s all affecting me so much, or how I got to be who I am, etc.”
And yes, to some extent, I will have to “suck it up,” to some extent, at some point. I want to – in the not tooooo too terribly distant future – kind of end this specific life chapter on the blog (hopefully). I want to move on, and talk about other things, and do other things.