Picking up from yesterday [if you didn’t read it, I was basically just saying life doesn’t have to be tragedy now, it can still be full of comedy… elaborating…] –
I feel like there are some things I used to laugh about that started to seem a little unfunny to me over the past year and half or two years or so – one specific one that I can think of is “miscommunications.” Those can be reeeeally funny. (Three’s Company ran for 8 years and 174 episodes, after all!) And I’ve laughed a seemingly uncountable number of times at this Key and Peele sketch. (Has that or has that not happened to all of us?) I even wrote one of my audition songs for BMI about miscommunication! I obviously thought it was funny enough to write about then!
But in the last two years or so, to some extent, most often, I’ve been avoiding nearly any subject that sort of even tangentially has to do with sexual assault guy. For one thing, I dunno, everything feels like it’s just one half step away from getting so out of hand, or dangerous. I saw how fast “little miscommunications” turned into this abusive gaslight-y rabbit hole… But it doesn’t have to be that way. (And it shouldn’t be…. And it hasn’t been for most of my life. (That’s something I have to remind myself of over and over…(and over).)) So… most likely it won’t always, or often, be that way in the future either.
For another thing, I guess there’s a slight part of me that worries that someday I’m gonna write some sketch, some story, some song, some something that has to do with some “silly” relationship issue, and it’s gonna very teenily resemble something that happened between me and sexual assault guy, and then somebody will saying something like, “ah, so that wasn’t a big deal after all,” or just he himself, will poof, pop his head right around some magical corner and say, “See?! You wrote a sketch about [miscommunication, or someone mansplaining, or someone who doesn’t listen, or any of the other sort of, kind of-iiiiiish adjacent behaviors to the abuse he inflicted on me.]. Guess it’s all totally 100% normal and wasn’t abuse, and was all fine. Everything is fine!”
But one thing I feel like I have to keep in mind is not. every. single. thing. I ever do/say/write about/talk about from this point in my life forward is a commentary about abuse, or assault, or my abusive relationship with sexual assault guy. I’ve gone through a lot of trauma therapy with the hope that this all won’t define me as a person, and I don’t expect it to define me as a writer either.
So, I think I will generally stay true to how I’ve always been – which is that I will probably, for the most part, not really talk about romantic relationships a ton in public. They weren’t things I tried to talk about publicly, or focus my work on before, and I don’t see that changing now…
BUT. That doesn’t mean I will never write about a romantic relationship. I have before (multiple times)! I do sometimes still, and I probably will in the future.
(Even my hero whom I want to emulate (Michael Jackson), whom I look up to in large part for using his platform and singing about a ton of different things and sang the gamut of things from Heal the World to Black or White, to Jam, to Little Susie, to Tabloid Junkie, to Scream, to Earth Song, and soooooo many more still had In The Closet, Remember the Time, You Rock My World, The Way You Make Feel, and plenty of other songs about romance and/or sex and dating and blah blah blah.
Relationships and all that jazz is part of life! And it feels nearly impossible to avoid talking about that stuff completely, especially if you wanna write and perform things (like I do). Heck, even as an editor, I’ve had to have a million conversations about sex and/or relationships in my various jobs, in which I edit things that have to do with that stuff… You might be able to write you own stuff without sex/relationships in it (if you’re writing by yourself), but when you’re part of someone else’s show, you’re part of it.
It’s. part. of. life….
But all that has nothing to do with me and sexual assault guy. And if I write a normal non-abusive heterosexual couple, or if I talk about silly dating stories at a bar, or if I write a sketch about a “funny” miscommunication (or if I still laugh at that Key and Peele sketch)… that all has nothing to do with him either.
And I’ll finish this out tomorrow.