My Heart Was Stopped; I Cannot Be

There are so many great cartoons that come up in a Google image search for “Facebook birthdays,” I can’t even use them all over 2 posts!

Picking up from yesterday -

So, I took that status down probably within the hour I put it up. Instead of feeling special, I was just feeling annoyed. No one cared that I implored them not to write on my Facebook – even to the point of blocking everyone from writing on my wall. They all just commented on the very status asking them not to.

I am not as great at birthdays as I’d like to believe I am. I actually do keep some birthdays in my actual calendar, ’cause it will always be important to me to know people’s birthdays for some other reason than Facebook told me so.

I am usually pretty good about calling someone or at least sending a text on their birthday. (And obviously, even those are not the best options. I should be sending cards!)

But just as I’ve already mentioned getting lazy and Facebook posting about other life events, it can’t surprise me that it’s happened with people and birthdays.

I’m making an active effort to change my behavior now that I’m really noticing it. But, the world is how it is, Facebook is how it is, and we are how we are.

I can’t expect everyone else to mold around the way I like things to be done. And – what I believe to possibly be an underlying point to these posts – I can’t expect anything that I don’t give.

The truth is, as much as I like to try to remember other people’s birthdays, I don’t remember a very long list of people’s birthdays. So, if I’m not sending a million cards/leaving a million messages, how can I expect that to happen to me on my birthday?

But, talking for a moment more on why it’d be so great if we did all get better at it… You know something else about birthday messages? When people say nice things to me, I usually like to keep them if I can. I might save an old sweet voicemail to listen to again every once in a while. I have a scrapbook of cards and things from high school.

If people make the effort to say something nice to me, I try to hold onto it if I can, so later I can get that same warm fuzzy feeling from it when I reminisce about it.

It’s hard to keep something someone says on Facebook. Things get lost on a busy wall (which is one reason why I try to clean out old stuff I post on mine so it doesn’t get so overwhelming).

And even if you take a screenshot of something nice – it’s always going to be a screenshot from Facebook. (And the only thing I’ve ever felt when I see the layout of that website is “I don’t care you about you.”)

But that’s really what Facebook is… a place for people who don’t really care about you. Maybe some of them do, but for the most part, you’re a blip on those people’s radars (or at least that’s how I feel there).

Making peace with the fact that it is a place for acquaintances and superficial friendships – I have put June 25th back on my profile. (And I haven’t blocked people from writing on my wall this time.)

This year, instead of getting upset if no one calls me, I’m going to accept what Facebook is. I’ll take the superficial happy birthday wall posts.

Since I’m removing all expectations, and setting the bar so low that I’m just throwing it on the ground; I might even actually crack a smile about a wall post if some person I knew a long time ago (or barely got to know, but really liked), says happy birthday. It may only take 5 seconds, but at least it’s 5 seconds they gave me.

(Or at least that’s what I say now. But I would bet money that I don’t keep this attitude, and I get too annoyed to keep my birthday up there before that day is over (and possible before the day starts).

And if I’m really upset that no one cares it’s my birthday, I should:

a) be happy that no one really cares about a random day, and keep working hard to make my own special days with projects that are important to me.

b) work much harder to make people feel special – send more cards, remember more things, and be a better friend. You won’t always get back what you give, but you’ll almost never get back something you don’t give (and even if you did, it’s so much better when it’s reciprocal).

So, I guess let’s all just be better friends to each other until it’s a never-ending loop of giving. Yeah?

I was going to post this a little closer to my birthday (June 25).

But, since it fits into the series of somewhat related posts of this week, I’m gonna go ahead and do it now.

I have always been staunchly against putting my birthday on my Facebook profile. (Not ’cause I’m so weirdly protective of my age (since you live and die by your age here in L.A.) – no, without the year involved, I’ve been very against putting the month and day up there.)

The reason for this is because I want to believe that people care about me – and care enough to actually remember my birthday.

But, do you know what’s happening to people now with everyone relying so hard on Facebook birthdays? A year or two ago, one of my very best friends in this world (whom I’ve known since we were kids) called and said, “Happy birthday… I think. I thought it was your birthday, but when Facebook didn’t tell me it was, I wasn’t totally sure.”

Someone who knows me better than most, and certainly longer than most, wasn’t even sure anymore ’cause that’s how much we rely on Facebook.

Now, I’ve already admitted in an earlier post this week that I have been rude before by congratulating people on Tony noms through Facebook. Obviously those are way, way, way – a million times bigger than birthdays. So, I should absolutely lump myself into this judgement I’m about to do here.

found this in an image search, but KickInTheHead.org is pretty funny. Think about checking it out if you get a chance.

But, what I don’t like about Facebook is how complacent we’ve all gotten. I think it is crazy when a million people write “Happy birthday” on someone’s wall.

(First off, really? Just “happy birthday”? How about at least “happy birthday, [name of person]” – or better yet a nice, personal message celebrating that person ’cause that’s sort of the deal with birthdays.

(Even though it’s a little silly to celebrate birthdays ’cause we didn’t really do anything special that day, but that’s be a whole ‘nother post. It’s a social norm. It’s fine.)

So, anyone a bunch of people write these super impersonal messages in the most impersonal way possible (on a Facebook wall – gosh, even a tweet would be better!). And then people have statuses that are all, “Thank you so much for all the birthday love! I feel so special!”

What, really? ‘Cause a computer program told all of your acquaintances it’s your birthday. Then they took 5 seconds to write happy birthday on your wall. They didn’t even have to leave their home page to do it! (They can just do it in that birthday space in the corner.)

(If you’re someone who has done that very status, I’m sorry to insult you in the blog here… But uh, even if I like you, I still can’t ever get over those statuses.)

Last year, I was so awkward about my birthday. (I don’t know why I specified last year when I always am.) But, last year especially – I tried something new in this crazy world of social media.

“Why god, why?!” (This was SUCH a good show.)

I put that my birthday was on June 25th. And I blocked people from writing on my wall.

Then I put up a status with something along the lines of, “Yes, it’s my birthday, but I hate Facebook. If you care enough to say happy birthday please send an email or a text.” (And I gave my email address.)

But then, instead of anyone actually doing that – everyone just started commenting on that status!

(Side note that drove me crazy – someone who really doesn’t know me very well at all (has met me at a race or two) wrote something like, “So you’re ___ now, right?” (with an older age!). And when you phrase it in that kind of declarative way, people think you are that age. (Or at least that’s what paranoid me thinks.) Come on, man! Why would you do that to an L.A. resident? (Especially when you really have no idea how old she is! A birthday is a time to make someone feel good about themselves, not make them think they look old. Right?)

(And a side note about him, he actually seems like a pretty nice guy – just one who doesn’t always say the most polite/appropriate things in public forums.)

I’ll continue with this mess of a story and thoughts tomorrow.