I Strongly Support A Ceasefire

October 26, 2023

I don’t know exactly the right words to say, but I know some need to be said.

I think it’s pretty apparent that genocide is happening in Palestine, and the attacks that Israel is inflicting are not at all proportional to the attack from Hamas on October 7. There’s no excuse for the extreme number of casualties of Palestinian civilians, and it’s reprehensible that they continue bombing Gaza with no end sight.

I don’t know what else to say, except for the fact that I wanted to say something. Now is not the time for silence. See you at the protests, and don’t forget to call your representatives! xoxo

John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight Being In Scripted Variety Series Now

August 23, 2023

John Oliver has won in the Best Talk Series category for the last 7 years. He’s only lost one time. Know when that was?

His first year. When he was up against Jon Stewart’s last year on The Daily Show. Jon Stewart has won 11 times.

This year, Jon is back!

And Last Week Tonight is now moving to Scripted Variety Series. I wonder if they moved categories specifically because Jon is back. I also wondered who noticed and moved them. Scripted variety is way less crowded and it feels like if they’re eligible for Variety – which clearly they are – they could’ve done this years ago and made more room for Sam Bee, Colbert, Meyers, etc.

But I dunno. I mean, clearly they know what they’re doing because they have like a gajillion golden statues.

Anyway, just an interesting thing about this year’s ballot!

Beef (Limited Anthology Series)

August 22, 2023

I’ve gotten to the end of the Anthology series now. And Beef is just as good as everyone says.

I know there was a lot of controversy surrounding the show. I don’t know if the people who hire knew the depths of who they were hiring ahead of time. I don’t know how much we have to take out on the show itself.

[I actually don’t know. I’m not saying that in some rhetorical fashion. I mean it.] And I had to watch at least one of each episode in the categories I get to vote in. I even watched an episode of Dahmer, despite my belief that we shouldn’t make media about serial killers, because I think it glorifies them and gives them attention they don’t deserve.

There were definitely some good shows in this category. And Fleishman’s episode 3 really came closer, but I think I have to hand it to Beef. It’s hard to stop watching, and I think that’s a sign of a good TV show.

“Fleishman Is In Trouble” (Watching for Emmy Voting)

August 21, 2023

Can’t believe it’s already that time of year again! Time to vote for the Emmys. So, here I go practically shooting television into my veins, trying to make sure I watch everything I’m eligible to vote for.

And right now I’m watching Fleishman Is In Trouble. Jess Eisenberg is great. And for the most part, the show is compelling.

But it feels like every single time they turn their attention dating apps, I lose interest. I can’t tell if that’s because I have such negative feelings toward dating apps, or if it’s because we get so distracted every time the show gets super interesting.

Every time I get super into it (Jesse Eisenberg being interesting going about his life), I’m taken out of it again (with the app stuff). I dunno.

I also can’t believe I hadn’t even heard of this show before it was time for voting, as famous people are in this! Clare Danes. Josh Radnor.

The 11-year old girl Meara Mahoney is so believable.

I only have to watch 1 full episode, and I won’t be watching the whole series since I just have so much to get through, and the app stuff is too prevalent for me to watch the whole thing. But I did look up what happens, because I was curious enough to want to know. And one really interesting thing the Wikipedia article said was:

“An underlying theme of the book is the relegation of women to the background in a male-centric society. At one point in the book, the narrator says that “the only way to get someone to listen to a woman [is] to tell her story through a man”, which is what the book in itself does.”

p.s. updated note as I’m writing this: The internet says the 3rd episode is the best one. I’m watching that now. And it is awesome. There’s nothing about dating apps in here, so there’s no push and pull with the momentum.

Okay, anyway, more to come on more shows, as I keep watching the rest! Goodness gracious do I loooooove TV.

If You Want to Picket, You Can Come!

August 20, 2023

Not tomorrow (Monday), because picketing – just on Monday(!) – has been cancelled due to the hurricane. But Tuesday and beyond, you can come picket!

WGA lists locations here. And SAG-AFTRA locations are listed here. For the most part, they overlap, but WGA is at a few more locations than SAG for various reasons.

[For instance, at TV City, the soap actors are still officially allowed to work because they’re on a slightly different contract. And SAG doesn’t want to make them cross a picket to work in a non-struck way.]

Pick any location, and come on down! Signs and snacks and water and everything are provided. You don’t have to bring anything – just yourself. (It is smart to wear sunscreen though, and a big hat and sunglasses if you have it – stay safe in the sun!)

People are SO kind and SO open and HAPPY you’re there! You don’t have to worry if you’re not a member of the unions. So far at every picket I’ve been to, someone has been there who doesn’t even work in the industry and we LOVE the support.

So, come on out and if you have any questions at all, let me know and I’ll see if I can help you get it answered.

Hope to see you out there!

Thoughts From The Picket Line

August 19, 2023

As I was walking around the other day, the thought crossed my mind that I really need to make sure I get my votes in for the Emmys – which just made me think about how lucky I am.

My whole life, as far as I can remember, I dreamt of working in the entertainment industry, and in many ways, I’ve successfully done it. I do have a lot more dreams to accomplish still, but I was just thinking about how I get to vote for the Emmys!

I take that a serious responsibility (and honor). And I was just thinking about how since I get all the perks of fancy parties, and free stuff, and access to famous people, and protections from unions and such; I really do just have such a responsibility to be out here.

Many of my dreams came true. I get to work in the industry I always dreamt of, and I have a responsibility to fight for the future of this industry.

I’ve, of course, always known the strike was important, and I’ve been deeply in favor of it and supportive in the ways I could. But getting out of New York for a bit, and having life slow down between semesters of school, and getting the time to really actively walk the lines – it’s just all driving home the point to me of how important it is to get out there, and to make time for it, no matter what else is going on in my life.

Fight on! Solidarity! xoxoxo

Picketing at Netflix!

August 17, 2023

Another incredibly fun day. Netflix is a good place if you want to keep walking momentum going. At Paramount, you have to stop over and over for the light (which is fine). But at Netflix, you get to walk around the whole corner.

Snacks and drinks again. Everyone is so supportive. Lots of horn honks, which was great.

It was “Strike Up A Romance” themed day. Had I realized that, I probably wouldn’t have gone. Because you know, I’m like weird about ‘singles’ events, and apps, and just anything along those lines. So, I’m glad I didn’t know, because I had fun.

As always, really fun captains keeping the lines lively. And everyone is so charming because it’s Los Angeles. Love it here. Love the solidarity.

And one fun thing that happened was that someone was there who wasn’t involved in the industry at all who was like “I’m just here ’cause I want to watch Abbott Elementary.” I love that people are that passionate about the art they consume!

While of course I want the strike to end, in the mean time, I’m looking forward to more picketing!

Picketing at Netflix!

August 17, 2023

Another incredibly fun day. Netflix is a good place if you want to keep walking momentum going. At Paramount, you have to stop over and over for the light (which is fine). But at Netflix, you get to walk around the whole corner.

Snacks and drinks again. Everyone is so supportive. Lots of horn honks, which was great.

It was “Strike Up A Romance” themed day. Had I realized that, I probably wouldn’t have gone. Because you know, I’m like weird about ‘singles’ events, and apps, and just anything along those lines. So, I’m glad I didn’t know, because I had fun.

As always, really fun captains keeping the lines lively. And everyone is so charming because it’s Los Angeles. Love it here. Love the solidarity.

While of course I want the strike to end, in the mean time, I’m looking forward to more picketing!

Picketing at Paramount!

August 15, 2023

All riiiiiiight, baby! Here we go in California!!!!

Between semesters and I’m able to work remotely in Cali. And I am just sooooo happy to be here. So LET’S GO picketing!

Paramount has a pretty relaxed vibe. The people are super nice (of course). Tons of snacks and drinks if you need them. I even saw an old friend from The Groundlings!

Oh, and we love Craig’s ice cream because they came by and gave free ice cream to everyone 🙂

A great time. And I’m so looking forward to picketing at more locations!

Picketing at CBS Broadcast Center (in NYC)

July 20, 2023

I had so much fun out there picketing!

The music rocked. The people were nice. The dancing was fun. They even gave me a tambourine to enhance my dancing haha. Being out there is amazing, and I was happy to be part of it!

We (SAG-AFTRA) Are Striking Too Now, Baby!

July 14, 2023

It’s official. SAG-AFTRA is on strike as well, which I think will hopefully only make the strike stronger.

I am super supportive of the strike. I don’t have anything new to add from when WGA started striking. But here we go!

The 3 Birthday Questions (2023)

June 25, 2023

1. In the past year, from your birthday to your birthday, what are you proudest of? I got into multiple Ivy League schools, and was even offered a merit scholarship at one! And I have officially matriculate and started at the big, bad, Iiiiiivy League! Ever since I was in high school, I always thought I maybe kind of could. And now I proved myself right and I did it! 2. The opposite of the first question, biggest regret, lesson, failure, etc. I think my biggest failure of the year is that everything is just going so much slower than I want it to. I’m having trouble bouncing back in some areas post-pandemic. (One example is that I broke my foot and it took quite a long time to heal. Then it took quite a long time to get back into dance and do it well, and it took quite a long time to get back to being on pointe, and now it’s taking quite a long time to get comfortable en pointe/able to do it for long periods of time.) I know people say when you get older it takes you longer to heal from things – physical and emotional and just everything. And I always kind of thought it’s mind over matter and that your body will only start acting ‘older’ when you act like it’s older. But maybe it’s not just mind over matter and there might be some matter to mind. I don’t really think it’s merely an age thing. I think there are a lot of circumstance-type issues of various things that have happened over the last years. But yeah, just slower to progress/bounce back on things I would to. 3. Biggest goal for the upcoming year? I feel like every year I say “be the hottest I’ve ever been” and then I never accomplish it. And one year, I’m going to look back and be the hottest I ever was and it’s not going to have been hot enough. So, that’s scary. But, I guess instead of merely saying I want to be the ‘hottest I’ve ever been’, instead let me get a little more actually practical than purely visual. I have always dreamed of dancing in the NBA and the years keep going by, it’s definitely getting to be time to put up or shut up. I was making my kind of ‘long-term’ life plan the other day, and the way things are shaking out, I am deeply hoping to dance in the NBA in the 2025-2026 season. So, while I have a number of goals, my main goals in the next 2 years need to be in service of that. Some things on the horizon are that I’d like to feel I’m truly conquering advanced dance classes. I’d like to be able to do the ‘dancer’s pose’ with beautiful alignment. More than anything, I think my goal for the upcoming year is just to really have a lot more consistency. I think one of the reasons things are taking so long is because a) I get frustrated things aren’t going fast enough and stop working so hard for a bit because I’m not immediately seeing the results instead of being a little more patient with things that have been proven helpful or b) My life has been a bit on the unstable side for a while (for examples, basically since November I’ve been living out of various hotels, switching at least on average every month if not more. So never feeling I have a home base has been fine but a little jarring), and sometimes I think I just use that instability as an excuse not to have *some* habits that *are* indeed consistent and stable, no matter where I am. So, I think my biggest goal for the upcoming years is consistency in progress toward my goals, if that makes sense. And tomorrow I’ll tell you about jetskiing!

The WGA’s on Strike!

May 2, 2023

[I am trying to catch up on my blog – isn’t that the story of my life haha. So, this is a bit old, I know you already know this. But here’s what I meant to post a little bit ago.]

As I’m sure you’ve probably heard by now, The WGA is officially on strike. I’m not in the WGA, but I am a big supporter of my friends.

So, don’t look to me as a good resource, because I’m still learning too.

If you want to picket, the times and locations are listed here; if you can’t give time, but you can give money, you can do that here.

If you want to stay updated, lots of people are doing great updates. For instance, Sasha Stewart, who I used to work with, is a WGA captain and great communicator with her updates!

Edited to add: A bunch of late night writers (some are my friends) started a YouTube channel with updates and explanations about the strike.

Check it out, subscribe, let’s all stay updated and supportive! 🙂

Test

April 23, 2023

Hello. I’m testing a feature of if I publish something privately, to then make it public, if everyone still gets an alert about it. Test, test, test.

No Longer Posting Every Day

January 18, 2023

Whelp!

It’s slightly ironic that now that we’ve sort of gotten back in the groove, I’m saying things are changing. And we may even be on a bit of a pause again.

I’ve been doing this blog for 10ish years now. (Ish because it’s been 11, but I did take about a 2-year break in there. So, it’s 11, or 9, or 10ish, depending on how you look at it.)

I have no intention of completely stopping the blog. I think I’ll still be here every year for the new birthday thing and the birthday questions, probably the year-in-reviews, hopefully some international trips, more 52-in-52 projects, and occasional stories here and there – and of course whatever new endeavors I take like more schooling, or putting more creative works up.

And hopefully I’ll have more marathons and other athletic events, starting next year when I do the New York Marathon.

Plus(!) I am still determined to give my kidney to a stranger on of these days. And you will be the first to know when it happens!

So, obviously, when I list it all out like that, it doesn’t seem like I’m going anywhere too far for too long. I’ll be around. Just not every day… at least for a while. (And I’m not sure if I’ll ever desire to do daily posts again.)

A lot has changed in the last 11 years. Video has kind of been the new way people update people on what’s up. I’ve certainly, as I’m sure you can tell, seem to become more enamored with TikTok than blogging for at least the time being.

Also, we’ve had a major pandemic. While I have still gone places (while generally taking many precautions), I do a lot more from home now – which isn’t as riveting to tell stories about, usually.

Plus, so much of my life in the last few years has revolved around school and getting more degrees. And yes, there’s definitely stuff to talk about in that realm, but every day?

I have a lot of things I’m applying to, classes I’m taking, and skills I’m trying to gain. But that’s generally more long-term stuff, and doesn’t have enough updates to make it work me updating you every. single. day.

If you’re a blog subscriber, you still might see random bursts of posts here and there, as there are STILL empty spots in the calendar from places I made a draft or wrote down an idea and just never officially posted. And now that I’m not beholden to posting every day, and I do have the time to go back and fill it in, I am gonna try to do that. I would like one big cohesive thing that has everything I meant to say – if I can ever finish it.

So, I will be around – ish. (And I really look forward to seeing you every time I am!) Just don’t expect regular updates for a while. If I end up taking on another big project and am able to jump back into daily posting, I will most definitely let you know!

See you when I see you!

xoxoxo

Kendall Roy Cannot Catch A Freaking Break, and It’s Driving Me Nuts

January 9, 2023

*I suppose season 1 Succession spoilers.

Recently, I’ve been getting into Succession more. When I watched a little for Emmy voting purposes, I just didn’t really get into it for whatever reason. But some people love it. So, I’m trying a little harder.

I just finished season one and it is wild from top to bottom. I kiiiiind of don’t know why we like or want to watch this show – and yet I can’t stop watching each next episode. What is the deal with my brain?

It is well done. And it is interesting when you see these flashes of humanity – like how badly Logan really wants to go to his daughter’s wedding. I think(?) they all love each other… maaaaabye?

Then it’s also weird, because I kinda sorta feel like I’m rooting for the bad guys? I mean, nearly everyone on this show is a ‘bad guy’. So, if you root for anyone, you’re rooting for a villain, basically. But, it feels like overall Kendall is making brave steps and geeeeenerally trying to do the right thing… maybe?

But man oh man. The end of season one TORE ME APART. HOW does he keep getting thwarted by his father?! (Helped by bad luck, and also the people orbiting his dad.) Like, WHAT?!

Is he who I’m supposed to be rooting for? I feel like yes, right? Also, do we all NOT want Shiv to get married? Like, no way she loves her husband when she has that hot political strategist with all the chemistry who’s in love with her, right?

I’m not really sure yet what the ‘point’ of the show is? That even the worst people have souls in there somewhere? That in a world like the one we live in, no one can be good who has that high of a level of power? That money buys everything and the system is corrupt and who you actually are doesn’t matter? That who you ‘actually’ are could never withstand the stress of that level of status? Or something not along any of those lines?

I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t have a giant point. But I am watching. And if anyone has anything to add, let me know! Onto season 2 I go!

How Much Do Influencers Truly “Influence”?

October 10, 2022

As you all know, I have the best dad. Fight me, I don’t care.

And so, since he is the best, he takes a big interest in my interests. And you know what that means – we talk about TikTok a lot, as it is basically my favorite thing of the moment.

He was wondering how much influencers truly ‘influence’ – like how many people actually try things, or buy things etc. because of an influencer.

I kinda think it might be a lot?

And I dunno. I guess I’m posing the question to you. Do you try things because people on the internet tell you to?

A big example for me recently is I went to Disney Paris because of a tweet.

Now, I didn’t FLY to Paris because of a tweet. I was already in Paris for a 16-hour layover. But what I chose to do on that layover, I did because someone tweeted about Tower of Terror. And someone was like “this picture must be old. It doesn’t exist in Disneyland anymore.”

Someone else was like “it exists in Paris.”

Boom. All right. Yeah. I wanna go see it.

So, I’m reasonably ‘influenced’, I suppose! Are you?

Wonder If The World Would Be Better If We Cheered On Adults The Way We Cheered On Children

October 9, 2022

Okay, I jotted this idea down, and didn’t link myself to an example, so I only half-remember what I wanted to say haha.

But it’s interesting sometimes to see the (general) difference between parents posting videos of their kids doing things vs adult-age people doing things.

Now, there are some wholesome videos of people cheering on adults who aren’t good at things. And there are some videos of children trying things and getting ridiculed.

But in general, it seems like we cheer on children even when they’re not good dancers, good cooks, etc. And we’re generally quick to make fun of adults.

Of course, adults have had more time to learn things. But no one knows everything. And we should preferably spend our whole lives trying new things!

And what if we met adults who’d never cooked with the same innocence and enthusiasm as we do a child?

I wonder if that would make people more open to new experiences, sharing things, and making connections.

“Words Mean Things” With Dr. Martin (@raquelmartinphd)

October 8, 2022

It is truly wild how fast the world – and specifically how we speak about it – changes.

Dr. Martin, whom I love following on TikTok, made this video, where she talks about how ‘words mean things’ and how food desert doesn’t accurately describe what that phenomenon is.

I totally respect that, and will try to fold the newer correct terms into my vocabulary.

It’s just so interesting to think that when we did the piece on ‘Food Deserts‘ for The Nightly Show, it was regarded, at the time, as progressive, bringing light to a thing people didn’t know much about. Seven years later, it’s becoming an outdated term.

Seven years in some ways is a very long time. But I also find it sometimes hard to keep up. There’s so much history I already don’t know, and the context around it and how we view it, and how we view current situations, is always changing. Which is probably good!

It’s good to grow. To recontextualize. It’s just hard to keep up sometimes when I don’t always know the original context. There’s SO much to learn.

I guess none of us will ever know everything. We can just try our best to do our best in the places we can.

Anyway, follow Dr. Martin for more interesting things to learn!

Have We Come Full Circle On Screen Names?

October 7, 2022

I hate anything I post that makes me seem ‘so old’ or whatever haha.

But, while I don’t ever remember a time in my life without internet, I do remember early internet and AOL and all that jazz. And I remember in elementary/middle school making up dumb screen names and things. I think, at the time, that was considered ‘standard’ and ‘safer’, to not be yourself, but to be just a username.

Then, as I got a little older (I think especially in college), screen names seemed ‘stupid’. Many people encouraged going by your real name, as it seemed more authentic/professional/conceivably easy to find your friends.

But then, on TikTok the other day, in the comments section of some video on my FYP, someone was totally roasting someone else for using their real name. Like, ‘why would you ever do that on the internet? We’re all just here to have fun. Pick a random screen name.’

And now I’m just wondering – have we come full circle? Has the etiquette changed, or have I just never known it? Is it maybe different, depending on the app? (Probably that one, but that sounds like a lot to keep track of haha)

So, What Are My “Goals” with TikTok, And Is Anything Gonna Come Of It?

October 6, 2022

I know y’all must’ve been so sad going a bit of time without talking about our favorite – TikTok haha.

So, I’ve been thinking about how it’s basically far and away the pretty much main thing I post about lately.

[There are many reasons for this. For one, I’m SO excited about it, and love it so much. For two, for various reasons (the majority of them being our multiple pandemics going on right now), I’m laying a little low for the time being. There are many things I’m able to work on at home. So, just for the time being, I’m not having quite as many outside adventures – though I feel like I’m having many in the phone!]

And it’s slightly silly how much I talk about TikTok.

But, I love it! And it’s my little blog, so why not?

As of the writing of this post, I only have about 7,000 followers (though I am hoping it’s more by the time you’re reading this).

So, am I gonna end up as a TikTok star or something? Quite possibly not. Anything is possible! But I’ve also been in love with Twitter and Vine for a while. Granted, I didn’t pour my heart into them and make nearly as much content.

But I did love them. (I always love Vine, RIP. And I still sort of love Twitter, though it has been a different place since the 2016 election (and the precursor to it).

And I talked so in depth on here multiple times about both of those apps. Because I adored them!

So, I guess that’s what I’m doing with TikTok too. ‘Cause whether I ever get any real traction, or am able to monetize it, etc., I just really love it. So, I love to talk about it.

I do think about how weird it would be if someone who has gotten huge had all these blog posts over-analyzing every little video. But then again, I’d probably EAT THAT UP.

So, here’s hoping it stays something I love and just keeps getting better!

DISNEY PARIS!!! (Goes Hard) (June, 2022)

October 5, 2022

Obsessed.

Absolutely obsessed.

I had a 16-hour layover in Paris. And I’d already done the sort of general overview of Paris. (I mean, there’s always much more to explore, but I did get an overview.)

So, when someone was talking about Disney Paris on twitter, I thought, “yep. That’s what I’m gonna do.”

Disney Paris goes SO HARD.

The rides are faster. And longer. And more intense.

Space Mountain (or, I guess Hyperspace Mountain now) has a section that basically goes a little upside down!!!

Ob.sessed.

Tower of Terror seemed to last for about a million minutes. Terrifying in the absolute best way.

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad takes you underwater and then you emerge for the ride on this like island thing.

Obseeeeeeeeessed!

Also, it wasn’t even very crowded! I went on Father’s Day. And I never waited more than like 15 minutes for a ride.

The ‘cast members’ were super nice, but I guess that’s what one would expect from Disney.

The Cars ride was super cute because it was two cars talking to each other, and they managed to basically just translate into having French and English, but they did their best into making it sound like a conversation. [So silly and cute, like “[French].” “Oh, did you say [translation of French].” “Oui. [More French].” “So you’re telling me [translation]?”

I’m sure it would’ve felt doubly funny if you actually spoke both languages to hear the cars repeating each other in different languages.

The food is different!

Crepes galore. Jalapeño Peppers.

Not a churro in sight, as far as I saw. Not a turkey leg anywhere. [I wouldn’t have eaten a turkey leg anyway, but I feel like they’re a Disney staple?]

The only mistake I made was I didn’t walk through the castle FIRST. I was gonna do it at the end of the night, on my way out of the park. But they close it down well before the fireworks show. I did not know this.

So, I didn’t get to see the inside of the castle – which is supposed to be quite cool.

But I saw, and absolutely loved, everything else.

I think Disney Paris may just be my favorite Disney yet. Love it, love it, love. Highly recommend.

If I Were To Visit Morocco Again –

October 4, 2022

If you’re reading this, and you’ve never been, things I did do that I loved that I would highly recommend are:

  • Ourzazate
  • Ouzoud Waterfall
  • Sahara Desert
  • have Mohammed be my tour guide.

I would call those the “can’t miss” (specifically the waterfall, because it really is a breathtaking natural wonder, whereas movie sets you could see in other places). And obviously the Sahara Desert is wildly famous. And it’s crazy seeing sand as far as the eye can see. [And if you don’t do it all with Mohammed, you’re nuts, because he’s the bees’ knees.]

Those would be the ‘can’t miss’.

But other things I would definitely do, if time

  • hang out in Tangier (love the city, maybe stop by Central Perk)
  • have a ‘taco’, because it’s unlike the tacos we know in the U.S.
  • see the colorful rocks in Tafroute. (It’s a pretty far drive, but it’s cool)
  • maybe even go down to Laayoune, stopping at the national park a bit before it. That was fun and serene and Laayoune seemed like a fairly bustling town.

But if you are me! –

If you’re me from the future reading this, looking for ideas on what you didn’t do last time that you wanted to do, I’d like to go around the whole north coast, including the Spanish enclaves, Ceuta and Melilla.

And I’d love to take the helicopter from Ceuta into Spain and go diving in Spain and take the ferry back into Tangier.

I’d like to continue all the way to Oujda, and maybe even see Figuig, so I can really try to get to every nook and cranny of Morocco.

Obviously I’d have to see Marrakech finally.

I’d kind of like to stop by Meknes if possible, as I didn’t really spend much time there the first time. We kind of just drove through it on one of our legs.

I’d maaaaaaybe like to try camel, because I usually make exceptions for what I’d normally eat when it comes to foreign delicacies. But animals are our friends, so I don’t know if I’d feel too bad to do that.

And then I’d also like to go to Dakhla, as it would show me the country further south. It’s supposed to be a lovely beach town.

And it might be fun to go even as super far south as you can to La Guera, just to reeeeeally get to as far south as possible for funsies.

I really do hope to go back to Morocco. I had the best time. It’s lovely!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Just One Last Photo Dump/Post

October 3, 2022

I’m having issues uploading media. But this is where I’m just gonna put any more pictures not already in the other posts. And I’m just leaving this space in case I think of any more random things I think of. What a fun time overall.

Also, random thought to anyone who noticed and was curious, I did not indeed go to Marrakech, which I thought was funny. It’s one of the main cities everyone goes to, but alas, I just ended up having other plans. And I find it slightly hilarious that I did not see Marrakech – which is the place everyone would assume I would go.

Next time!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Saying Goodbye To Mohammed

October 2, 2022

Oh man.

It was so sad to say goodbye to my best friend Mohammed.

As he dropped me at my hotel for my last day, he said, “it was a pleasure to k-now you,” pronouncing the k in know, which was so endearing because it was just a little thing specific to him.

[Obviously no judgement on that. I don’t speak any other languages. It was purely endearing.]

And then we’ve stayed pals on WhatsApp. But it was just really special to me that he was sad that I leave. I was sad to leave!

We talked about how special it was that he went ziplining for the first time, and rode in a boat for the first time! And I had experienced new places and people and foods and everything!

It was a fun new/growing experience for everyone. He even talked to my dad during one of our adventures, when my dad called me. (Mohammed tried to convince my dad to come to Morocco, but the jury’s out. We’ll see. [When I was younger, we’ll see meant no almost all of the time, but you never know!])

It was just a really, really special trip. And I was so happy to be with someone who made me feel so safe. Didn’t try to oversell me, or come on to me, or anything. We just had a really good, fun, affordable, safe, friendly time.

AND he was so nice. He knew I loved lemons. And in Morocco, I was obsessed with sprite. It was just so cold and felt so good. I almost never drink soda at home, but in the hot, hot Moroccan sun (where I still believe different bottled water brands taste wildly different), Sprite was always there.

So, he had a cooler full of Sprite everyday. And he had lemons. And the car was always so clean when he picked me up. Just literal best tour guide. I already miss him. It was so emotional saying goodbye. I thought we both were almost ready to cry!

If you go to Morocco and do a tour with anyone other than my best friend Mohammed, you’re doing it wrong! haha

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Central Perk!

October 1, 2022

So, while I was staying in Tangier for quite a while, one day, while I was looking for places to eat – I found Central Perk.

Yes, the exact kind of Central Perk you’re thinking of!

It was totally Friends themed, and it was SO CUTE.

In the bathrooms, they had posters. One was “my eyes! My eyes!” by Phoebe, which was funny.

When you ask for the wi-fi password, they give it to you in trivia form. (It’s what Ross says when they’re moving the couch.)

They have drinks themed after the characters. The waiter says “I’ll be right back, ’cause I’ll be there for you!”

The people who work there LOVE friends. They have the giant orange couch and everything.

And they have stickers that say, “the place where Friends meet.” The whole thing was super cute.

It was a pretty long walk as it’s fairly deep in the city, but it was worth it!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Back to Tangier

September 30, 2022

So, we went back up from Rabat to Tangier.

We made a quick stop in Asilah, which was a cute teeny little town. The coolest thing about Asilah was the fun sculpture I played in.

We also stopped at the Hercules caves once we got to Tangier, and tbh, it seemed like a tourist trap. Like, the stuff in there looked very silly like a cheap theme park or something. No hate to Tangier. I love Tangier. But I’m just telling you, in my opinion, it’s safe to skip the Hercules cave, but feel free to go see for yourself.

One thing that was cool was a beautiful fountain by Scubamar’s office. It did like a little water dance, moving a lot and being in all different colors!

It just so happened to correspond with gay pride month in the states – although there was definitely no gay pride in Morocco, as it was illegal to do anything homosexual there.

But we did have a rainbow fountain.

And that pretty much covers the the trip – except I have just a couple more things to say in the upcoming days!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Rabat Zoo!

September 29, 2022

On our way from Casablanca up to Tangier, we stopped at the Rabat zoo.

I mean, yes, overall, it was ‘just a zoo,’ like any zoo.

But it was nice! Spacious, relaxed. One thing that was super cool was there were all these informational signs and it would say where the animals were from. The vast majority of them were from Africa.

That’s where I was! It was cool to think I was seeing animals where they were ‘supposed’ to be. [You could argue that they’re not ‘supposed’ to be in a zoo.] But I liked that they weren’t taken so far from home. I came to them, they didn’t come to me.

The food at the zoo was delicious and plentiful.

I loved the zoo. Would recommend, if you have extra time in Rabat!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Casablanca

September 28, 2022

All right, let’s get back into & finish up this Morocco trip!

I was in Casablanca a few different times during this trip, but mainly just for layovers (long or short).

I feel like lots of people paint Marrakesh as the main hub, but it seemed to me that Casablanca was where everything flew in/out of – especially on domestic-Morocco flights.

But as far as my one day actually truly visiting it, I did stop by the outside of the famous Mosque. I guess it’s one of the few in the world you’re allowed in as a non-Muslim woman.

But, it was closed for the day when I got there. (Plus, you have to have specific attire I’m not sure I had.) But that was fine. I hadn’t really planned on visiting the inside anyway.

Then I passed the fanciest KFC I’ve ever seen – with a whole fancy lawn set-up and everything!

And then… the mall!

I’d heard you have to stop by the mall. And it’s like “well, how special can it be? It’s just a mall.” But it was a really cool mall.

There was a giant aquarium-like thing in the middle that was beautiful. There were tons of stores in this huge mall. Also, a large fountain was outside that did like water-dancing that was pretty.

I would definitely head to the mall for a little walk, if possible.

And if I’d had time, I probably would’ve seen a movie at the IMAX just to see how different it was from America, but from looking around the lobby, it looked like it would probably be very similar.

And that was Casablanca. Then we were heading north again!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Essaouira vs El Jadida

September 27, 2022

All right, let’s get back into & finish up this Morocco trip!

On our way up from Agadir to Casablanca, we spent a night in Essaouira, and then drove through Safi and El Jadida. 

This was a nice drive, by the water and everything.

We stopped for a night in Essaouira, and it was fine.

It was a little more crowded than some other places, I think because it’s the ‘famous beach town’ of Morocco.

I did enjoy walking around the medina – which was a little more open and spacious, and less crowded than some other medinas.

There were some really delicious crepes there, so that was very cool. And I met a couple of nice people – the guy making the crepes, and the guy selling a painting. 

The vibe was relaxed. And the people were very nice (as they were through most of Morocco).

So, Essaouira was fine and cool, and I would never discourage someone from going there.

But! I dunno, I think because of how it was presented to me as like the beach town, I was expecting something so special.

..Though in my opinion, I really thought El Jadida was a better beach town!

Clean. Not too crowded. Laid back. Beautiful. Walkable. That’d be my pick. Well… my pick actually is Tangier. But we’ll get more into that later haha.

We ended this little portion of the drive in Casablanca.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Schmoyoho!

September 26, 2022

By the time you’re reading this, our favorite corn song is kind of old news.

There are too many things to talk about! And spacing it out one a day, we’re behind on TikTok.

But that’s okay, as really I’m YEARS behind talking about this incredible band. Most of you are probably already familiar, as they have one of my favorite songs of all time [“Why, Why, Manti?”.

I was SHOCKED when I searched “Manti” in blog, to see if I’d talked about this before, and came up with nothing. I cannot begin to explain to you how many times I’ve listened to that song. My sister and I had it on repeat day in and day out for oh such a long time.

Still, to this day, we’ll break out into this song randomly. Because it’s a perfect song.

ALSO, Schmoyoho did The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme song. I used to have that on my workout playlist.

Anyway, I was just thinking of them because I LOVE the corn song. In fact, check out this cover as well.

Love the corn song. Love the corn kid – who has his own cameo account now! [I have a lot of conflicted about his cameo, because I LOVE people getting their bag and knowing their worth… But I think it’s a super grey area as to whether ‘social media kids’ are exploited… But this one seems born of actual just cute magic instead of parents trying to exploit their kids. So, in that sense, I’m like yeah, catch that star, get your bag, and hopefully this kid isn’t made fun of for being the corn kid, because all of TikTok LOVES him.

But anyway, in conclusion, is Schmoyoho is not in your life, check them out. They have some true banger bops!

Do You Believe In Fate?

September 24, 2022

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who, at least a little bit, believes in fate.

I think I’ve even credited being in the ‘right place at the right time’ for some of the truly amazing things that have happened in my life.

That being said, I kinda think I maybe only believe in the good fate?

And that’s not really fair. You kinda probably either have to believe it exists, or it doesn’t.

But someone commented on one of my kidney TikToks when I said I had a THIRD failed attempt at giving a kidney to a stranger that ‘obviously something bigger than me’ is keeping me from this…

Of course, I’m kinda stubborn and thinking ‘I will accomplish this goal no matter what’. But it’s a little scary when it’s a medical thing that people thing fate is keeping you from…

I dunno. What do you think? Do you think ‘fate’ is real, and if so, are we always supposed to listen?

A Cold TikTok Comment For Which I Appreciated The Support!

September 23, 2022

On TikTok, there are videos up about my experience trying to give a kidney to a stranger.

And it’s been super wild. Someone commented that if I ‘hadn’t acted like a crackhead’, someone would’ve still been alive, (because I wouldn’t have been denied by the psychiatrist).

It stung a little.

Then someone else, responded, “it’s called a personality, you should get one cuz I doubt anyone would help you out if you ever need it, but no one would miss ya so cest la vie”

*wide eyes face*

That was SO cold to the other person, so I was a little hesitant to like it or say anything.

And while sure, I don’t think we should necessarily be that mean to people… I kinda appreciated the support haha.

It’s wild on that app!

TikTok Comments/Commenters Can Be Surreal Sometimes

September 22, 2022

So, on TikTok, I’m still figuring out what I’m doing – my ‘niche’, or what have you, what works, what doesn’t – the whole thing.

And one of the things I’m doing is telling stories in video form that y’all have been hearing here for many years now.

So, I told the crazy kidney story about how I tried to give and psych denied me for the lamest reasons, which was just SO. LAME.

And it’s wild, because now people are theorizing in the comments about why.

It’s interesting, because I’ve also somewhat wondered why (even though I guess it’s always been clear why she didn’t like me; it’s more like why are those dumb reasons medically sound).

And it’s just been crazy to watch people hypothesize that maybe she thought I was having a manic episode.

I, in general, love talking about stuff on the internet, breaking it down, theorizing about it, getting hot takes, all of that. I just never realized that when you put it out there to do it about YOU, it’s surreal. Not necessarily bad. Just wild that all these strangers are noticing tiny things about you, and breaking things down.

I don’t know how else to explain it, except a strange experience.

Imagine what it must be like to be an A list celebrity.

A Coke Bottle Collaboration With TikTok Commenters – Part 4 (The Conclusion)

September 21, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

I’m also realizing literally as I went to the video type out what Hank said at the top of his sound… I accidentally didn’t do captioning of the voiceover!!!

I really try to keep my social media accessible to the extent that I understand how to do it. So, I try to never forget captions. But I guess I was just going fast enough that sadly I did forget.

However, I did have the most important text written onscreen – explaining what I was doing, and how long it took. So, hopefully anyone who relies on the captions has still been able to enjoy it – especially since it’s such a visual thing to begin with.

So yeah, I put it all together, and put it under Hank’s sound, and before you knew it, 10k+ views.

At the time I’m drafting this, it’s been up for about 12 hours, and is at 38.5K views.

All that to say
a) It seems the mad dash to get the coke, and try to avoid detection in the pool and all was worth it. People are seeing it, and most importantly they’re commenting that they enjoy it and are grateful I satiated their curiosity.

I am to please on the app (and really in many places)! So, I’m very happy it was successful enough.

At the time of this drafting, nothing insane has happened. It hasn’t gone ‘viral’. Hank Green himself didn’t comment on it or anything. But I made a bunch of people happy, and I had my own curiosity satiated, and that was great.

b) I learned something new! Even though I rely on comment replies to find things… in some cases, some people rely on the sound. So, that’s definitely something to think about moving forward!

c) I just loved the collaboration element with strangers. When I thought the angle wasn’t wide enough, my insecurity on that was (rightly) strengthened immediately, as soon as they saw that haha. They gave good ideas on how to make it better. And we all worked together maybe not to make something perfect, but to make something good.

d) I’ve talked before on here about whether it’s good to just ‘post with abandon’ and all that stuff. And I think maybe sometimes it is. I posted a first video that I didn’t get right. But people helped me along the way. And that was cool!

A Coke Bottle Collaboration With TikTok Commenters – Part 3 (Putting The Videos Together)

September 20, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, I tried to take the spots that made the most sense, as I couldn’t post a whole live.

Speaking of the live, there was some kind of problem processing it! Usually, you can download them on TikTok afterward! Thank goodness i also screen recorded for safety. (Though it would’ve been cleaner without all the stuff all over it.)

Anyway, I picked the spots that seemed to make sense, put a little voiceover over it, and some very low music. [I picked a song about Coca-Cola. There may have been a better music choice, but oh well. Again, trying not to always overthink things.]

So, as reasonably soon as I could, I replied to someone’s comment asking for another video with that video.

I went to sleep, and had some likes when I woke up. Not a ton, but an okay amount.

Then I had a few people suggesting to use HANK’S sound.

I didn’t realize that sometimes people look to the SOUND for answers! I look to the COMMENTS, hoping there are follow-up videos if I have questions. But a bunch of people were looking to the sound.

I didn’t reeeeeeeeally want to put yet another video about a Coke Bottle in the pool on my page. (I mean, really… a 3rd video on this? I have a page to maintain! haha)

But, because it had been suggested a few times… Okay. I’ll try it. Why not.

So, at this point, I put together the two videos I’ve done so it’s all in one things. I put Hank’s sound on it, which kind of made it fun, because then at the beginning you can hear him saying, “I wanna know! I don’t have a swimming pool!” – which is a nice intro to the video.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

A Coke Bottle Collaboration With TikTok Commenters – Part 1 (Setting Up)

September 19, 2022

As you’re well aware, I love TikTok very much. You could argue I talk about it too much, but would that even be possible?

Anyway, on my FYP, I saw a video of a Coke bottle being opened underwater.

Later, I saw Hank Green talking about it on my FYP.

[The algorithm truly is top tier – how it will keep giving you pieces of stories. Like, the guy who ate the pancakes in the diner off a fantasy football bet – I saw everyone’s take on that…. And I saw a few different pieces of this Coke bottle/pool thing.]

So, then I later saw a video of him being curious what would happen if you opened it upside down.

Obviously, if there’s one thing I very much love to be, it’s a curious TikTok friend.

I was VERY lucky that they sold glass Coke bottles at the Ralph’s close by. I really thought those were gonna be harder to come by.

So, I took the Coke, a bottle opener (also from Ralph’s), and my GoPro out to the pool.

I feel like it’s probably kinda against the rules to open a Coke in the pool. But, I think it was fine. Nonetheless, I was trying to get in/get out! [That is not what really happened, for anyone wondering, because I ended up doing a whole second video.]

So, I try to set it up in a way that sort of makes sense. But I only have so many hands, and nothing to mount my GoPro with… I could try to put it on my head. But there’s no super room with my scuba mask (which would have the snorkel). I could put it on my head with only normal goggles (so I could open my eyes), but then are my person air bubbles gonna be getting in the way?

I guess I could just hold my breath completely, but it became a whole silly fool’s game. Ultimately, I sat on the steps (the furthest away from the security cameras I could get haha). Positioned the GoPro between my legs.

And I’ll pick up here tomorrow!

A Coke Bottle Collaboration With TikTok Commenters – Part 2 (Going Live For Coca-Cola Video Part 2)

September 19, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

I had a hard time really seeing in the GoPro, while holding the bottle and opener, while balancing it on my legs.

But I just did the best I could do.

Once I thought I got it, I fairly quickly took everything inside. Then I had to get the footage transferred to my computer and put it in premiere, so I could make it vertical instead of landscape.

(I feel like there should be an option inside of TikTok to do that, but I digress).

Once I had it in landscape, I exported it, and then made a comment video reply to Hank’s TikTok.

Now… I did think it was more ‘zoomed in’, I suppose, than I wanted.

But you could see the initial reaction and what was generally happening with the Coke. I thought perhaps that would be enough.

Very, very quickly I realized it wasn’t enough. A couple people started commenting early on that they wanted to see more of the Coke bottle. I knew they were right.

So, back out I went!

This time, I went on Live so whoever wanted could be a part of it, in real time. (And also, people knew I was working on it, if they were waiting – they could see!)

This time I didn’t use a GoPro. I just shot the bottle from above the water, as we already had the close up. So, hopefully a wide shot was okay from above the water. (I didn’t know any other way to make it work/hold it all/get such a wide angle otherwise [with the tools available to me at the moment].)

So, we all watched the live for multiple minutes, until the Coke bottle had pretty much reached a point of stagnation.

I signed off the live. (Also, don’t worry, I took both bottle caps, so they wouldn’t cut someone’s foot in the pool.) Got my stuff together, and then I went to put it all together in the hot tub (since no one was out).

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

TikTok Chris (Chris Olsen) Has A Filter

September 18, 2022

You know how much I love TikTok!

Pretty unsurprisingly, I’m a fan of Chris Olsen. He’s loved my many on TikTok, and I’m one of the many!

So, anyway, someone made a Chris filter!

Here’s the part I thought was most interesting about that. If you follow Chris, you definitely have some familiarity with all the ‘Chrises’ of the filter – the coffee-giving Chris, climbing Chris, sobbing Chris, and on and on. There are lots of Chrises. They’re all unique. And they’re all familiar.

And I feel like Chris embodies some things we’ve been talking about these last handful of days – and even something I haven’t!

1) Most people say you have to ‘niche down’ for TikTok – pick one thing and really go with it.

I don’t really feel like I want to have truly only one niche. I like to do a lot of different things, and talk about a lot of different things. [That’s been an ‘issue’ with the blog too – not a huge issue, as I’ve just, in many ways, treated this as a journal and not tried to monetize it or worry tooooo much about followers, for the most part.] But yeah, it’s hard to figure out where you fit if you do too many things.

BUT Chris has VERY successfully made a huge following off of basically just being himself. He has so many different things he does, that someone made a whole filter that cycles through a ton of them! And yet, he still has 8 million followers. Didn’t seem like he had to niche down.

2) Chris REALLY successfully made a giant pivot – like making a whole new life/chapter/’brand’ whatever. Originally, he was known as one half of Chris & Ian. Their whole thing was being on relationship TikTok, and making cute/funny TikToks together.

It was probably really hard and scary to wonder how to completely pivot to doing your own thing. And he handled it like a pro – to the point that ‘relationship Chris’ isn’t even in his filter! (And I think(?) it hasn’t even been a year since they’ve split…. Okay, I just looked it up. I’m nothing if not a curious woman for the people. It was January.) And I’m drafting this in August. So, it didn’t take too long at all for him to really find his whole own thing on TikTok.

[And I do understand perhaps the person making the filter just thought it would be cruel to bring that old Chris into the picture, as opposed to him truly having shed that version so much it wasn’t even thought of. But still!]

I guess, in conclusion, I’m really happy for Chris. He is truly doing TikTok (maybe even life) right! I’m sure there are plenty of lessons to be taken away from how he’s owning that app and is becoming like the best friend of TikTok!

It’s Not Too Late, Even If The Tea Towels Are Printed

September 17, 2022

With the Queen’s recent death, there’s been SO much talk about Princess Diana.

I’m not knowledgeable enough to really know all the ins and outs of Diana, Charles, Camilla et al. I’m too young to have know in real-time. And I haven’t done enough studying to truly understand it all after the fact… Which maybe means maybe I shouldn’t talk about it at all haha.

But as people have been talking about it all, one detail that’s stood out to me – which again, i don’t actually know if it’s true or lore at this point – is that Princess Diana realized before her wedding that she didn’t want to get married. But she felt she couldn’t because the ‘tea towels were already printed’. I.e. everything that involved her, all the pomp and circumstance, it had already been done.

But I just really believe we should all learn from that, even if it’s lore, tbh, we should learn from that (because that’s kind of the point of parables and things) – I think we all should keep it with us in our hearts that it’s NEVER too late (as long as we’re still living).

It doesn’t matter if the tea towels are printed.

Of course she had no way of knowing at the time that she’d end up dying from this awful relationship. That’s a pretty severe consequence(!), and she had no way of knowing it’d get that bad.

But stuff can always be replaced. You can’t do things just ’cause the towels are printed.

(And this is largely pointed at myself too, because I can definitely fall into the trap of thinking about what I ‘have’ to do, instead of what I want to do – not always, but sometimes.

And we just never really have to. If it’s that bad, there’s always a better option. (And I’m sure for her, at the time, it might’ve felt like the other option was worse and like it was scary not knowing what might happen to her, should she decide not to marry him. They were both scary options. I’m sure it was an impossible position.

Sometimes all options are VERY hard. and it may not have worked out any better for her, since she was already in so deep.

But yeah, just… the tea towels can’t make our decisions.

In So Many Ways, We Just See People How We Want To See Them

September 16, 2022

The Lea Michele example I gave yesterday prompted this post for me.

I don’t know the extent to how she treated her Glee costars. And maybe that’s wrong of me for not seeking out more info and educating myself more deeply on it all.

I think part of the reason why I’m partially in the dark to many details is because I almost want to stay in the dark. I want to like her.

Her public-facing vibe comes off great (to me, at least). Love her talent. Adore how ambitious she is, and how many dreams she has and how she goes after them. I am inclined to like her. Therefore, I shy away from things that would potentially make me not like her… And I gravitate to things I think would make her more likable.

For instance, I think she really is handling the whole ‘Lea Michele doesn’t know how to read thing’ pretty poorly. I think if she doesn’t know how to read, the best response would be to be a face of adult literacy (and learn). The second best would be to quickly learn, never letting the rest of us be the wiser.

I think if she does know how to read, the best best response would be to be in on the joke. Like the completely blank tweet I saw from an account acting as her. It’s funny – the idea that she just puts something completely blank out, since she ‘can’t read’.

That’s a fun way to ingratiate yourself with people, and laugh at yourself. And just generally be ‘in on the joke’/more likable.

It also lets the joke continue – if her worry is that shutting down the rumors will take her out of the zeitgeist.

If she absolutely doesn’t want to do that, and doesn’t care about the joke continuing, then she should shut down the rumors categorically. Instead, she tiptoes around it, basically saying she can, but in the weirdest ways.

So, when I saw the tweet ‘poking fun at herself’, in that moment, without as much critical thought as I should’ve had (not seeing a blue check), I thought, “oh, how wonderful she’s learning to poke fun at herself.” Because I want to like her! I want to see the best in her! I am rooting for her redemption arc!

But when her announcement came out that she couldn’t perform due to Covid, people who already hate her hated the wording. Because they already hate her, so they’re looking in that lens.

I guess I just think it’s interesting that not only do we all see the world from our own lenses. We have lenses for specific people.

And as I’ve been thinking about lately, as weird as it is to think… It seems facts completely on their own without context & thought, don’t equal the full truth. The world is complex and we may have all the same facts but still believe in a different ‘truth’.

We may have all seen her announcement. Yet, people thought about it differently. Whether it was an unfortunate circumstance, or a ‘karmic justice to a selfish person’ was based, in large part, on how they felt about her.

Keeping Up With Media Literacy – Always

September 15, 2022

I like to think I *generally* understand media literacy.

I mean, I work in media. And I’ve worked on shows that cover the news! So, I know all about verifying sources and trying to look at things with a discerning eye.

But I feel like it’s hard to be SO vigilant about it? To always, always have some skepticism? And I guess we don’t have to have the skepticism when it’s a trusted source. But for instance, when everyone was saying Trisha Paytas gave birth just minutes after the Queen died, I believed it!

Now, it didn’t affect my life in any measurable way. And I didn’t tell anyone else, again because I was so unaffected, it wasn’t worth talking about. So, I guess it didn’t ultimately matter. But I did believe it.

AND when I saw a tweet from ‘Lea Michele’ that was just blank, and people were EATING IT UP, I believed it.

I don’t even know if I was meant to believe it, or if it was supposed to be clear it was a joke.

It was someone without a blue check. That’s the biggest giveaway. But I was just scrolling through, saw the tweet, and was like “I’m glad she’s able to laugh at herself now” without a second thought.

But then I felt stupid when someone said she needs to embrace the joke more, and I was like ‘I think she is!’ but when I went to look it up, I realized I was stupid.

These things are small and don’t matter that much, but it just got me thinking how many small things are going by me everyday that are potentially in some small ways shaping my worldview/my day/my life/whatever – just to not even actually be real?

[But also, I’m not a newspaper. i’m not gonna fact check dumb stuff like if a celebrity I don’t know gave birth minutes after the Queen died.]

So, I dunno. Like in an instant world! Tough to navigate sometimes, perhaps.

What Did You Think Of The Emmys? – Part 2

September 13, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

I thought people were gorgeous! Are people always with this gorgeous at The Emmys?

Oprah, Mindy Kaling, Kerry Washington, and more – all looked better than maybe I’d ever seen them (when they’re already beautiful!)

People I guess had some amazing glow-ups during the pandemic.

I did think the tables were kind of weird. Have they been at tables for a while? I know it used to just be people in the audience. I don’t know when the tables started, but it seemed a little awkward.

It also seemed awkward when Lizzo kept wanting her castmates to come onstage and they were sitting so far back, they were behind a chain and couldn’t get through.

Also, I know lots of people (rightfully) had thoughts about the Jimmy Kimmel ‘bit’ with Quinta. I was annoyed in the moment, but she reacted so well, I felt like “oh, I must be overthinking it,” and pretty much let it go – until other people made me feel like it was legitimately weird. So… I dunno!

It was wild to hear people who seem SO known for something else be introduced from something else. (I understand they were doing what’s current; but it didn’t make it feel less wild haha.) e.g. Sophia Vergara being introduced for America’s Got Talent instead of Modern Family.

There was nothing that seemed truly shocking to me, but I think that’s also because I didn’t know of any HUGE favorites that HAD to win. I wasn’t aware of Any Julia Louis-Dreyfus type people this year. I don’t know if TV has fractured too much, or if I’m just less in the loop than before or what.

I did think though that the very sweetest win was Sheryl Lee Ralph. She seemed SO shocked and SO touched. It made me cry. I was just so pleased for her. You could tell this moment truly touched the deepest parts of her soul.

Oh, one thing that I thought was very interesting – and really smart was the thank yous along the bottom of the screen!

I don’t know how that all worked but it would say something like “[so-and-so] would like to thank ‘[list of people]’.”

It seems like it opens up people to be able to make their speeches more ‘fun’ if the list of names is also there. I hope they keep this going and figure out ways to expand on it! (I’m sure eventually winners will be putting cute jokes in the written part as well.) I’m excited to see how it expands!

What Did You Think Of The Emmys? – Part 1

September 12, 2022

I love television oh so much (as I think most of you probably know).

– – – – – – – – – The prefacre/preamble – – – – – – – – – – –

I’m a little embarrassed because when I joined the Television Academy, I was like “Oh cool! Now that I have access to buy tickets to the Emmys, I’ll always go, every year!”

I have not yet been, since becoming a member hahahahaha.

I mean, I think my first opportunity to go was 2019 (the year before the pandemic started). I was sort of low on funds at the time, moving yet again from having New York be the sort of ‘main place’ I lived to Los Angeles (again).

And I dunno. I thought, “I’ll go next year.” Then next year happened. So, I’m sitting here saying NEXT YEAR I’ll go. The pandemic will almost surely truly be endemic by then, right?

And hopefully I’m doing great in life with extra money hanging out for Emmy tickets. Heck, hopefully I have reason to go other than just being in the TV Academy. Then again, I say that a lot, and have yet to be nominated hahahaha. (When Regina Hall said she’d been through 13 FYCs with no nominations, I thought “I sort of understand! I’ve been through 4!”)

– – – – – – – – – The opinions start here haha – – – – – – – – – – –

Aaaaaanyway, what did you think about the Emmys?

I liked Keenan Thompson as the host. He was funny and has a really lovely energy, like he reeeeally loves TV – which I think he does. His moment with Kel (his old co-star) was very cute. I thought the whole sketch, in fact, with Kumail at the bar was pretty fun. But Kumail will always be great.

While I do think some of the bits felt a little try-too-hard, I’m a very try-too-hard person who’s willing to throw things against the wall and see what sticks. So, I get it! I love that in general they kept trying to do bits with almost all the presenters.

It was a great way to inject things that were interesting in a ceremony that usually gets pretty long and such, as you know.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Should You Just Post With Abandon – Part 2 (How Many Things I’m Having to Re-Post)

September 10, 2022

I didn’t expect to do a follow-up to this, but I’ve had some time since I posted that last one, so I think I have a few more thoughts.

And I guess it’s that there is no clear and perfect answer (which I think may have basically been how I felt in what posted yesterday haha).

There are definitely pros and cons.

Sometimes I post something and I see the ways it could’ve been slightly better, or shaved down a little more still. But I guess as long as it’s performing okay, what does it really matter?

Although, obviously you don’t get to see if it might’ve done better had you perfected it a little more. Then again, I’ve posted some things I worked very hard on that just went nowhere. So, I guess it’s unpredictable to some extent.

More than anything, I think I’m learning that, at least for me, TikTok really is a kind of throw-it-all-against-a-wall-and-see-what-sticks kind of place.

I did an intro video that got taken down because of “dangerous acts” pictured like bungee jumping and fire eating.

I did my favorite story about Jon Stewart which had the music I put behind it taken off tiktok, which then removed the entire sound. Meaning I have to leave it up in silence or take it down, and potentially repost (since I like having that story up).

TikTok seems to work in the same way working on a daily show worked – you just keep putting it out there and seeing. Some days are better/more creative/funnier/more interesting than others, but ultimately you just have to keep putting more content out there.

So, I guess I’m leaning toward put it up and don’t overthink it – but it’s definitely a balance to strike!

Should You Indeed Just Post With Abandon?

September 9, 2022

There are lots of schools of thought on internet and TikTok strategies.

And one is to just post, post, post, post – all the time, whatever it takes.

Throw everything at the wall, and keep whatever sticks.

To some extent, I think this is reasonable. And I think this is especially reasonable for me since I have not a huge following on any app, so no one’s paying that much attention to me.

If something doesn’t go well for me, barely anyone sees. And it can be gone, and no one will notice (probably). I curate my pages by deleting old things that aren’t relevant anymore, or aren’t interesting, or don’t get tons of likes. I like for new people to have the highlights. And for it to be easy to deep dive, if new people want to.

If you had tons of followers, there would be a bigger spotlight. But even some big people post with abandon.

I do definitely have a tendency to overthink content sometimes. And I’m trying to find that sweet spot of not overthinking, but thinking enough.

There are definitely some things – the Jax example is a semi-recent thing that comes to mind – where it’s like… had I known it was going to get over a MILLION views, I probably would’ve been more careful with my wording to try to be clearer that I wasn’t trying to be passive-aggressive to her.

Then again… controversy breeds clicks. So, maybe the fact that I could’ve been argued as passive aggressive is what brought all the views and clicks, so people could argue she was great and didn’t deserve my ‘passive-aggressive’ stuff.

Obviously I won’t post anything that I don’t stand behind. Like, there are things I could work better, or look cuter in – that kind of stuff. But of course I’m never gonna be spouting things that would get me canceled. (Well, except maybe when society changes enough that old views look awful. So, I dunno.)

But anyway, yeah, I do sometimes get caught in the trap of posting something. It doesn’t do great, I tweak it a little, and I exhaust my audience with a repost or two (because some people on TikTok say that’s like the thing to do if you’re not getting enough views… but sometimes it really does work!).

And then some things slip through the cracks that probably could’ve worked, but you didn’t hit at the right time, or you ‘wasted’ it early. (e.g. I think the story of Jermaine Jackson being my enemy is super funny. But I’ve already tried telling it like 3 separate times, and for various reasons those videos just never got it right. So, I can’t tell that again for a WHILE, if ever.)

So, I dunno… Not overthinking, not underthinking. It’s a hard line to walk sometimes! Including in this very post where I feel I circled the point, never quite made it, but think you probably get the gist. (Aye, aye, aye.)

People Live Whole Full-On Different Lives Though, Don’t They?

September 8, 2022

Speaking of how people can change their narratives/their lives, it’s crazy to think that some people are able to SO DRASTICALLY change things up completely.

Of course, there are some people unable to do this. But some do it extremely successfully!

I thought about this because I saw a TikTok from Colleen Ballinger. She used to be known as Miranda Sings. She was preeeeeeeetty famous as Miranda – totally breaking out of the YouTube world into the general zeitgeist and everything.

And now, she’s very successfully pivoted to a cute mom and ‘genuine’ performer. (Miranda is a performance art of some kinda, but Colleen has now led a show on Broadway.)

And she’s become I think(?) even more successfully, more connected, and I think more well-liked. Of course, in her case, that pretty much makes sense that people would like someone who seems real and genuine more than a silly characters. Silly characters don’t uuuuuusually last indefinitely – especially if they’re not someone else’s sidekicks.

But to a smaller extent look at the way some boyband guys reinvent themselves. There are a bunch of younger people who only know Lance Bass as the guy his assistant was playing on The Circle.

It’s interesting, and to some extent exciting how people can reinvent themselves. If someone’s career is around long enough, they’ll see the generation that only thinks of them as whatever they wanna be now, since they’re not even familiar with their old chapter.

Think of Ted Danson! I know being an actor to more acting isn’t fully completely new chapters. But there are SO many people who don’t even know he was on Cheers. To him, he’s Michael from The Good Place. Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

The world is always changing. I suppose that means people can always be forgotten, and that might be a little scary… But their personas can be forgotten as well. And that might be a little cool with lots of room for possibilities.

Personal Reinventions

September 7, 2022

Okay, I *think*(?) this is the last post inspired in part by all the random Jaxness on my TikTok. (Though I do have more about TikTok and just all this stuff).

But I’m kind of fascinated at the way so many of us have fully, incredibly different stages of our lives.

(I mean, I guess obviously fashion and technology and our ages are gonna change.) But think about how different Madonna is between her albums. Janet Jackson. Britney Spears. Christina Aguilera.

And I do kind of wonder if for pop stars, specifically, they are trying to really brand each particular album. [I mean… probably, I’m guessing.]

And what does that mean… is it chicken or the egg in that case? Like, are they HAVING to do something new/interesting/different every few years, so they have to do a new brand? Or, are they feeling a sense of metamorphosis/new chapter, and they need their brand to change to catch up? [Probably a mix of both.]

But to some extent, we all can and/or have done this.

People were talking about it a lot when it came to Jax. On American Idol, she was sort of ‘punky’ with a little temporary tattoo-like thing on her face. Now she is SO different – to the point where numerous people have commented some version of “I did remember Jax from American Idol! I just never put 2 + 2 together that they were the same person!”

And I guess I just wonder… do a lot of people’s changes happen because they’re seeing change and are actively trying to cultivate this new change [probably, as it’s probably hard to change otherwise]. Or do they just keep moving forward and slowly become a new person and realize it as they look back.

I bet in many ways Drew Barrymore didn’t realize the cute daytime-talk version that she is now would’ve been who she would become.

She just kept making steps to heal things in her life. And now she’s here.

I think oftentimes I’m kind of chasing a version of myself from 2015 – the probably best time in my life thus far. But maybe we never do get to be our debut or sophomore or whatever albums again…

And maybe that’s okay because how else would we get all the new bangers if we didn’t put out more albums?

“Narratives” For Our Stories [Inspired By My Viral Jax TikTok]

September 6, 2022

I know, I know, right.

I can’t believe I went from pretty much barely knowing who a girl is, to apparently doing a whole blog series inspired by her. Insane how life works.

But all I wanted to say on this is that Jax has a number of “narratives” she could be leaning into right now – former American Idol 3rd placer making a comeback. Cancer survivor tackling the world.

But she doesn’t lean into either of those two giant narratives. And it’s amazing to me!

First off, I’m almost surprised she’s “allowed.” I feel like the world often tries to pigeonhole you – media, managers, etc.

But she’s just writing song after song.

Now, maybe there’s a big machine behind her that is indeed leaning into THIS narrative – isolated songwriter when Covid begins wants to share music somewhere, does TikTok, writes parody songs, shows real songs, becomes a star.

That is indeed its own narrative.

But I prefer to believe that Jax doesn’t care to be painted as a survivor of these things, but that she just wants to be known as a songwriter.

It kind of reminded me of a guy who spoke at my grad school graduation who talked about having open-heart surgery. Now, this is someone *I* went to undergrad with. And he taught at my grad school. I had a class with him!

He has been around. I had known him… His whole life went off track when he found out he had a heart problem. That was THE thing that ultimately changed his life from being about sports to being about music.

And I had literally no idea until his speech. Granted, in his speech he made it his narrative. But knowing him, you would’ve never known.

I feel like so often we need a “story.” Humans love stories.

But there’s something so refreshing and freeing and nice to the idea of people just want to share their talent, period, end of story, no special narrative bells and whistles. Gives me things to ponder, for sure!

Hmmm… I Think Maybe We Should Maybe Be More Careful Who We Take Advice From/How We Take It (Re: Lens On The World Epiphany)

September 5, 2022

I was just thinking about what we’ve been talking about – with the lens of how people see the world.

Obviously to some extent, I’ve always been somewhat aware of that lens. But it’s just really showing more and more to me everyday on that app.

Because there are videos where we’re all LITERALLY watching the EXACT SAME THING – and there will be some people being like “that’s a red flag!” with others who are all, “That’s insanely sweet.”

There will be SO many people on SO many videos with incredibly differing views.

(Of course some are more easily generally agreed upon than others, but not all.)

And so to know I can be watching the SAME thing someone else is, and maybe one of us is disgusted and one is delighted. Or one is scared and one is excited… It just makes me think – maybe we shouldn’t lean so much for others on advice.

Depending on the thing, I can really be a ‘should’ person. Oh, I “should” do this or that. I can should myself to death.

Sometimes when I’m really on the fence about something (or if I have made up my mind, but it doesn’t seem like the thing I “should” do and I’m kinda hoping to be talked into or out of something), I go to people for advice.

But I think it’s REALLY important to like really, really, really, really, really, REALLY remember that EVERYONE is viewing the world through their own lens. Even people you admire. People you generally agree with. Each lens is so unique.

I just hope I remember that the next time someone’s advice doesn’t seem to make sense to me – they may be viewing my situation/the world through a lens that doesn’t quuuuuite work with what I need right then (even if many times we wear the same prescription).

We Really Do Just See The World Through Our Own Lens, Don’t We?

September 4, 2022

I was just thinking about the posts from the last couple of days.

And it’s pretty wild to me that basically… truly, we really do all see the whole world through out lenses, don’t we?

To some extent, I already knew that – with how different things affect different people, and different advice different people give – that their past and opinions and everything really has a big impact on how they view things.

But like… I think it’s kinda wild how much it really can affect us. For instance, I told this VERY cool story about Jon Stewart (or at least, very cool to me). For the most part, the comments are super positive. But one person posted something about ‘wow, I guess he’s saying you pulled yourself up from your own bootstraps and had NO help from anyone ever.’

I don’t THINK they were being sarcastic/satirical. I think(?) they really meant it? So, I imagine that must be something they personally feel strongly about – maybe someone who doesn’t get enough thanks or acknowledgement in their life. [It’s also possible I’m reading too much into their comment.]

But it’s like, I guess there’s NOTHING – nothing we can all agree about, nothing that’s just cute or fine or whatever. And I think I’ve started noticing it more in myself as well – getting more animated about stuff I might currently be dealing with, or to some extent assuming people might mean a certain thing (especially if they’re talking about me) if I already think that of myself. [I gave an example of this yesterday.]

So, yeah, I just think this is something to really stay aware of – both in how I take people who interact with me. And how I interact with other people.

(Internet) Communication Is Wild – Part 2

September 3, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

And I guess that’s literally how the world words – we all see it through our own lens. But it’s crazy to really experience that on a larger scale. Even though I could’ve been clearer in my video [including that I did follow her before this song, I just thought she came up through her TikTok quarantine songs], I don’t know that you can ever be clear enough to have everyone understand you.

And *I* see things through my lens too! Because we ended up going down a whole entire rabbit hole. Someone mentioned how Jax had performed for Trump. And there was a Fox New interview I posted about – as I feel like I’ve been posting nothing but Jax stuff (again, why I’m gonna need to delete it all at some point – I don’t want to be a random seeming fan page for a girl I barely know. We all know if I were gonna have a fan page, it’d be for Michael Jackson).

Anyway, I posted this Fox News things and tried to stay generally as neutral as possible for 2 reasons.
1) Jax was trying to stay as neutral as possible. She said she was apolitical and just wanted to support her brother in the service and her dad (a 9/11 first responder), and that’s why she was performing for an event at the White House.

I don’t personally believe in being ‘apolitical’ when it comes to Trump. But that brings me to –

2) I don’t want to try to ‘cancel’ her! I don’t need to give a speech about how I thought that was wrong or whatever. For one thing, it was 4 years ago, and I can only how she changed. For another, I just had a dumb though talking about a random chapter of someone’s life I missed. It’s not my goal to then try to ‘take her down’. I didn’t want this whole thing going negatively.

So, anyway, someone comments: “Missing the part where this was a bad answer for a 22 year old girl?”

And *I* think they’re calling ME out because *I* was supposed to say more about it was a bad answer for someone fully 22 years old – old enough to have voted in a Presidential Election. I thought she was basically saying it was wrong to present something wrong as neutral on my page – like the part she was missing was MY context of framing of saying it’s wrong.

So, I responded, basically being like ‘it’s not great, but I generally think I like her. And we have to hope maybe she’s changed in the last 4 years’ – something that shows I think it was wrong but I don’t want to go nuts about it.

BUT.

The woman was saying she thought that by the act of posting it, I was already saying it was wrong. And SHE is missing why I would think it IS wrong because Jax was ‘only’ 22.

And it was just crazy to me how one comment can be so different in how you look at it.

I think I was feeling really insecure for not treating Jax as seriously as I would have anyone else who went on Fox News. So, because I already carried that guilt, I thought the comment was about that, ’cause I guess that’s what I was looking for.

Had I not thought that about myself, it might not have affected the lens at which I view things! Just a thought!

(Internet) Communication Is Wild – Part 1

September 2, 2022

Internet is in parenthesis, because it’s possible all communication is wild.

Okay, so as you may read in the last few days, recently it’s been Jax city on my TikTok page.

(I think eventually I’ll probably delete all these videos from my feed, because I just absolutely do not care enough about this random stuff to keep them up forever haha.)

I just thought it was weird that I didn’t realize she was on American Idol. That’s the extent of it. I don’t think she’s bamboozling us. I think it’s AMAZING she’s been able to make a strong narrative without her appearance on Idol being a big part of it.

But I didn’t super carefully curate my words. Part of that is because I’m trying not to overthink my social media!

It is good to be deliberate with your words, but stuff becomes unwatchable if you’re constantly over-explaining yourself or giving addendums and things, so I’m trying to do less of that.

So, here’s the transcript of what I posted:

“Am I the only one who, uh, just completely missed that Jax was a 3rd place person on American Idol? I think it’s fine. Think it’s great. I think that she should, you know, follow her career with abandon and everything. But I just thought she was this girl on TikTok who just liked to write songs, and then like wrote one for some girl that she was babysitting. And then oh my gosh, what a magic viral moment. But she’s already been, like, a part of a national tour, on a national television show. Like, she placed really high on American Idol. And I’m just curious, like, am I the only one who like just found that out?”

Reading that, I could absolutely see how it’s taken as passive aggressive. And not toooooooo many people were in my face. But it is interesting how to some extent, I think people are just putting on you what they think you mean – like seeing your stuff through their lens.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

How To Get A Viral Video On TikTok

September 1, 2022

Obviously I don’t actually know. Let’s start there.

If there were a perfect formula, and I knew it, I’d have a gajillion viral videos. I’d have millions upon millions of followers, and I’d be a full-time influencer.

BUT this is what I will say, which has been crazy for me.

  1. It is ALWAYS when I think to myself “this is kinda stupid, but I might as well generate something for the day. I bet 10 people will see this.” Anytime I’ve had a ‘great idea’ like “oooooh, people will love this” – crickets. And when I’m like “let’s try this for funsies even though I might only get one like or one surprise,” it’s madness.
  2. It’s gotta be controversial – which is HILARIOUS because I literally did not think either of my ‘hits’ were so controversial? I thought the reality TV one was gonna be purely funny because I thought “everyone knew” that behind-the-scenes kinda sucks often – that it had been talked about a lot.
    And with Jax, I just thought it was crazy she’d been on a major reality show and I didn’t know. That’s it, pretty much. End of thought.
    BUT people jumped on the first one wondering how I could say those things, or not knowing before and wanting more.
    And they jumped on the Jax thing like I was attacking her for being on Idol, which I didn’t think I was, though I guess I could see how it could be construed that way, even if that wasn’t how I intended.2b. Maybe actually you just have to tell people something they don’t know, because people did seem to be fascinated by something they didn’t know in both cases.
  3. I guess you gotta be ugly? haha I saw a video that said don’t worry about being pretty. And I have done well when I’ve cared least about how I look. [I know you don’t have to look ugly. But I’m just embarrassed that it’s every time I don’t shower first and stuff that it takes off; maybe this just means shower more.]
  4. Ultimately, it feels like it’s luck. I’ve had zero hashtags on videos that have gotten popular.

In conclusion, I think it’s a crap shoot. I don’t know anything. But it’s when I don’t overthink, I think it’s dumb, I don’t try to overproduce or over-look-cute. I just put out something silly and BAM!

These are my hypothesis right now. So, we’ll see if it ever happens again for me! And if so, we’ll see if it follows the pattern!

Another ‘Viral’ Video On Tik Tok?

August 31, 2022

In case you haven’t seen, I’m absolutely head-over-heels in love with TikTok. Truly, like cannot get enough of it.

And as wild as it was to have a ‘viral’ video – and a little stressful people who wanted to argue with me or be kinda mean or whatever – the high was more than the stress!

And now I’m chasing that high, because I love all the little notifications, and talking to people, and feeling in that TikTok community and everything.

It’s so funny because my only two things that have ever ‘popped off’ are things that I absolutely expected like 10 people to see.

My first one was a silly little take on a trend. People were doing like the top 5 or top 10 things they wouldn’t do after working in a certain profession.

And I just listed that the top 10 things I wouldn’t do after working in reality were I just wouldn’t do it. That’s all the things.

I thought like 10 people would see it. Maybe one would chuckle. I’d get a comment that they chuckled. We’d all feel good and move on.

But then it just started doing NUMBERS.

And then this second one, I learned that Jax – the songwriter becoming more and more famous for “Victoria’s Secret,” came in third on American Idol!!!

She’s had a whole entire life before this TikTok and everything gained traction.

I know she’s been on TikTok for a while, because I’ve been following her for a while. But I thought she was some songwriter in her basement… not a former American Idol finalist.

And I actually think it’s incredibly cool that she’s been able to market herself so super well! I am impressed, not upset [though we’ll get into that tomorrow].

But I just thought it was crazy that she was a full-on finalist on American Idol and I just had absolutely no idea.

So, I made a dumb TikTok about it. I had just woken up. Hadn’t showered. Didn’t look cute. Just thought I’d do this quick kind of little like “oh, did you know Jax was on American Idol? Isn’t that wild?”

And I thought like 2 followers or whatever would be “oh, how weird and random!”

But no. Like a gazillion people started commenting.

It’s just wild how you never know what’s gonna hit and what isn’t gonna hit.

And I’ll talk about this more tomorrow!

Okay, So I Guess No One Actually Knew Jax Was On American Idol

August 30, 2022

At least this one wasn’t just me!

I made a TikTok about it on a whim.

It’s gotten over a million – a million(!) views. And for the whole first day, every few seconds, I’d be getting notifications like “I didn’t know this!” “I had no idea!” “Today I learned!”

I didn’t think a major reality show was a secret, but I guess it is!

And I’m actually INSANELY impressed that she was able to kind of get rid of it from her narrative. I feel like a lot of former American Idol finalists have that as a defining trait. And with her, people didn’t even know!

So, I think her marketing is ON POINT.

And I think her internal compass of always finding ways to reinvent yourself is on point.

So, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It also can’t be like a state secret, because it was a major reality show, in which she got very far. It’s online for the world to see

But apparently it was somehow a secret, because my TikTok’s gone wild.

[And I think I will eventually delete it, because I put NO thought or energy into it. It’s not cute, and always literally who cares. Some people are taking it passively aggressively like I’m ‘against’ Jax, and I’m not. So, I don’t need to put that energy into the world.

Anyway, we’ll get into more tomorrow!

Welp, Seems I Have Other Different Blindspots Too

August 29, 2022

Yesterday, I talked about being a bit of a lame white person, because of a blind spot in the culture.

Well, it turns out I also have giant blind spots even if stuff that conceivably white people love.

I haven’t really watched American Idol since the first season, when I was just a kid. I generally stay away from all reality TV.

As you have probably seen, there’s a girl named Jax on TikTok who’s getting bigger and bigger all the time.

She made a TikTok explaining she wrote a song for the girl she was babysitting, and now it’s huge!

… But she’s not just some girl from TikTok.

She came in 3rd on American Idol! I just compleeeeeeetely missed that. I thought she was a girl writing songs in her room and happened to go viral on TikTok (not just for this, but for her mini-viral moments before this).

I never heard anyone mention American Idol! When she made that video that was like “my record deal is ’cause of you!” It’s like… I guess. haha I mean, maybe. Though there were other things at play.

I mean, clearly American Idol didn’t do enough for her, as she actually is getting a LOT more traction through the magic that is TikTok.

But I was just blissfully unaware. I had no idea at all!

A Lil’ Blind Spot (In This Case About Jermaine & Randy Jackson’s/Alejandra’s Family)

August 28, 2022

I try to be aware of Black culture and Black issues.

I know it’s important. I don’t want to be someone with too many blindspots, who thinks white stuff is just the ‘default’ or whatever.

I read books by Black authors. I follow Black creators on social (especially TikTok – my favorite app).

I went to a nearly all-Black middle school. I’ve worked on a few very diverse shows, led by Black people, where we delve into black issues.

[Not that I think any of those things are ‘special’ or worthy of applause for the bare minimum. I’m just giving the context.]

So, I try a reasonably amount to not have those embarrassing moments where someone has to point out, maybe YOU didn’t know this, but a whooooooole part of the culture knew this.

So, anyway, I made a TikTok… I still haven’t found my ‘niche’ there or whatever, and I don’t know if I will. But I’ve been throwing some things at the wall, just to try some stuff. And a lot of people seem to like my stories of reality television, so I told one of my favorite ones, of how Jermaine Jackson was a little bit my nemesis.

And I give the context that it was during a show about his blended family. He and his brother Randy each have two kids with the same woman. And basically every time I’ve told that to someone, since around 2014 when I first started working on the show, most people are like “WHAT?!” I had no idea.

So, I’m running around here, thinking it’s a Jackson secret in plain sight.

But when I gave the context on the video, I had a number of black people commenting versions of ‘white people might not know this, but we do!’

So, I graciously take the L.

[And I’ve actually taken the video down, because I think there are more concise ways to talk about Jermaine Jackson being my nemesis haha, and people were right that I shouldn’t be like “nobody knows this” when LOTS of people who just aren’t my race or age most definitely know it – some people even know it better than I do! I had people writing me new information, and I’d worked with the Jacksons! So, I felt stupid in my presentation, and am going to try to present it better, if I make another video about it.]

In conclusion, I’m a little embarrassed. I hate when white people are like “look at this thing nobody knows about!” and it’s a specific local dish or something that LOTS of people in a specific culture know about. And the white person is saying like ‘white people don’t know about this’.

[Although there was one person who commented, “I’m black, and I didn’t know!” So, thanks for making me feel not toooooo out of the loop haha. (And there were a few who commented maybe I was too young to know. So, yeah, let’s just think that – that I was too young, not too white (eep).]

And I know this isn’t exactly the same, because it’s not like appropriating food or clothing. But still! Gah! I can’t believe I got caught in the trap of ‘so many people don’t know this!’ just to get the ‘so many white people don’t know this!’

Aye, aye, aye. So, I’ll keep working on my blind spots. But what a slightly embarrassing moment!

TikTok Is Starting To Be a Bit of a Real Thing in My Life!

August 27, 2022

Well, this has been kinda wild!

While we’ve been talking about Morocco and voting for the Emmys, I’ve been nudging up a bit on my TikTok, progressively getting a bit more followers, having some engagement. All that good stuff.

I kinda can’t believe it!

I’ve always LOVED TikTok, truly just adored it. But recently, I’ve started talking about stuff people actually like. And I guess I’ve been telling stories in okay ways, because people are interacting with them. Some videos are getting big-ish.

I have no idea if my page will keep growing, or what will come from here. But I’m excited to be there! And it’s exciting to see what’s next!

[And for the next lil’ bit of time on here, I’m gonna be telling some TikTok stories, and then I know. We still have to get back to Morocco!]

Voting for the Emmys! – (A Lil’ Bonus Part – Conan’s Last Episode)

August 26, 2022

I am such a sucker for ‘final shows’, the ends of the things, new chapters, all that stuff.

Really, it’s so easy to make me feel a lil’ emotional and heartstringy with bittersweet goodbyes.

Conan, rightfully so, submitted their finale episode to the Television Academy for voting purposes. And I really hope he wins. [I know that Last Week Tonight practically always has the Emmys on lock. But this episode of Conan is really special! And Conan is really funny, and brilliant, in general! It’s not just about the fact that this is the last one.

I don’t know if you all saw his last show… But it starts with a cold open of him being interviewed by Homer Simpson!!! While I was watching, I was thinking about how it must’ve been such an incredibly special experience (since obviously, he came from The Simpsons).

Sure enough, he started his show talking about what a special experience it was, which was great to hear.

The cold open ended with [spoiler alert] a joke with Cartoon-Conan taking off his hair and being bald. And of course a sort of stereotypically bald joke people would expect would be about baldness being sort of disgusting etc., but Conan is not usually super stereotypical. He’s too smart for that, always subverting our expectations. And Homer, being bald himself, not surprisingly said it was beautiful.

Anyway, it ends with Homer and Conan hugging. Conan says, “Thank you, Homer. You mean the world to me.” And I thought thought that had such a real meaning underneath it all, because The Simpsons started this whole amazing long-running career. So, I’m sure The Simpsons really does mean the world to him. And it just felt so sweet to hear, even wrapped in a joke, inside a sketch (probably the best way to hear it, in this case).

I wondered if Will Ferrell was gonna be there – he WAS! They made a huge running joke about how Will is always there for the last shows of Conan’s, and wondering how many more were to come.

They did a whole compilation of Conan Without Borders.

Also, he even thanked Lisa Kudrow! I’d heard the story many times of them being friends, and her encouraging him to take the job. But for him to tell that even on his final show – for it to be something that mattered to him that much, that it was one of the last words spoken in his farewell, was just so sweet.

It was just really special. Conan is so special and funny. I look forward to see what happens next!

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 6 (Conclusion)

August 25, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, as you can tell, I ultimately voted for Seth Meyers in that category. And I actually think that’s very cool, the idea that no one has to absolutely own the category.

I think most people think of it currently as a category between Oliver (whom I think most people expect to win) and Colbert. But other people can make great shows! I don’t know if anyone can win, but I like the idea that they could!

(It would be nice Sam Bee were in the mix, but alas.)

I took voting pretty seriously and made sure to watch every single category – just like we attest to in our affidavit when we vote.

And I see why they do that! I was surprised a few times of things I really thought like ‘oh, I love this or that, I bet that’s what’s gonna get my vote’ to ‘huh! Wow, this was amazing’ and voted for something else.

[And like I said there were gems I missed. I didn’t even know Late Night had a whole 40th anniversary special. I gotta get my head back in the industry]

Also, side note, y’all feel free to keep me accountable about starting earlier next year. ‘Cause this was a LOT of TV to watch in a short period of time. But I sure do love TV, so I suppose it was okay! haha

Anyway, I suppose, in conclusion, I absolutely love TV. And because I love it, I need to expand my horizons! …I did a post just like 6 ish weeks ago(?), about finally catching up on The Good Place. (But it had ended like a million years ago.)

(I guess that means I also need to get better at working out! ‘Cause that’s when I watch most of my TV! So, treadmill and television, here I come, baby! (I hope! haha) And thanks for the Television Academy for pushing my in the right direction, by putting this all in one place for me!)

What are some of your favorite recent shows you’re loving? 🙂

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 5 (Some Cute Gems)

August 24, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

It was also sort of funny to me how much things seemed intertwined. I saw David Letterman so many times – on My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, as a guest on Seth Meyers, as a panelist on Norm’s special. Maybe even more places I’m forgetting. And not just him. Conan. Jason Sudeikis. Lots of people were everywhere.

It’s nice to see some people we like working so much!

I also wonder how much people rely on what’s on our viewing platform – what the shows specifically submitted versus what we just know of them. For instance, I thought Outstanding Variety Talk Series was VERY hard to choose. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Late Night with Seth Meyers, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert are all SO GOOD.

[Jimmy Kimmel is also very good, just in a different way.]

For me personally/my tastes, I was choosing between those 3. And I found it very hard to choose! I’ve seen all these shows, so I didn’t necessarily have to rely on the viewing platform, but in this case, I was like, “well, let me see specifically what episode they submitted, to see if that helps tip the scales…”

Seth Meyers submitted this basically perfect episode – the 40th anniversary of Late Show where he had David Letterman on to celebrate!

He did one of my very favorite bits. “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.” And it was very funny.

Also, they had Hayley Brownell sitting in the band. She works with “Hit Like a Girl” to encourage more female drummers.

The interview with David Letterman was so very cute and sweet. He mentioned how wonderful it was to be in such close proximity to live music. It seemed like in that moment even Seth kinda realized ‘huh, I don’t really always take that in, do I’.

It was HILARIOUS when they started talking about all of Jack Hanna’s visits on The Late Show, and David Letterman was like, “Do you have an animal guy?” And Seth said “We don’t have an animal guy.” And David moved forward in his chair like ‘what?! You don’t have an animal guy?!’

We also got to see some little gem clips from long ago on The Late Show. It was lovely, and this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 4 (Some Other Things I Noticed)

August 23, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

The 2 multicam sitcoms on the ballot were How I Met Your Father, and Call Me Kat. How I Met Your Father has the older version talking *to* the camera, instead of watching the kids’ reactions (never being seen).

I wondered if the reason they did that was because How I Met Your Mother struggled with the kids getting older, having to pre-tape stuff, being pushed into corners, and all that. But it was great to see Kim Cattrall on screen. Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders) even made an appearance on the episode they submitted! So, that was a cool little throwback to the show they based that off of.

Another thing that was interesting to me was how OLD everything feels. I mean, these are TV shows just from this past season. So yes, technically this stuff can be from a year ago, but the world keeps changing so much, so fast.

I’m the first person to say we are absolutely still in a pandemic. But the way we were talking about Covid even a year ago feels so different than how we do it now. I guess i can sort of see why so many people ‘over’ this pandemic, because seeing some of this stuff back-to-back-to-back really can feel a little suffocating.

One thing that was so very sweet was Norm Macdonald’s last special. He just spoke to a camera. They said in the special that he was going to be having a procedure the next day. So, they taped it as a ‘backup’ in case things went south… and sadly, they did. He got an infection and never left the hospital. At least they taped what they could when they had the chance. And the end were his famous comedian friends talking about.

And he just felt so… almost, comforting, I suppose. He seemed to have such a… calmness(?) about him. It was a very unexpected special, and I enjoyed watching it!

This is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 3 (Saw Some Stuff I Didn’t Even Realize Was Out There)

August 22, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

Of course, I knew I was behind on Squid Game – that if was something the world had seen and I hadn’t yet, but there are shows in here – shows nominated for Emmys – I hadn’t even heard of!

So, either places aren’t doing good marketing, or I’m under a rock, or the market is too saturated, or who even knows what. But have you guys heard of this show “The Garcias”? I hadn’t until today.

Okay, but I realized after typing (and watching) that, that it wasn’t even nominated haha. There’s a ton of stuff in our viewing platform that isn’t actually nominated. I’m not sure what all is in there. And it is pretty clearly labeled what is versus what isn’t nominated… for people paying attention… which wasn’t me.

But I was kinda glad, because then I also accidentally watched Aly Raisman’s show about being an advocate. And it was so very well done. She’s so impressive. I was so happy I got to see that.

Though, I was kind of bummed because it was SO SO SO good that I was starting to get stressed about how I was ever gonna pick what was best [which was a moot point anyway, since every nominated show in that category you either vote yes or no, this deserves it or it doesn’t; you don’t pick one best one].

Then I learned it wasn’t even nominated. What the heck?!

Another sort of funny thing was after oh I dunno, a billion single cam shows, there were two multi-cam shows. I’ve never seen either of them before. The vibe so severely changed, like I was transported back to the ’90s watching single cams.

I loooove some good ol’ ’90s multicams – Will & Grace, Friends, Seinfeld etc. [That might be more 2000s, but you get the gist.] (Funnily enough, on Call me Kat, they made Blossom jokes (speaking of ’90s sitcoms).

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 2 (…But Learning Context As I Go Is Fun!)

August 21, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, the episode of Hacks they put up for us started with a VERY nervous assistant(?) on a plane with her boss(?). And she’s shaking and SO nervous and she’s internally FREAKING out when they land and they start getting service again.

So, something’s up.

And because I’m not familiar with the show, I’m on the edge of my seat to know what happened. (Also, there are so many cool actors I recognize as this episode goes on! Have y’all been watching Hacks? How has this show been going on right underneath my nose this whole time? It’s really good! I’ve been missing out on so much of the world! (Or at least the TV world… which is… part of the world, I suppose.)

So, in some ways, it’s been cool to catch up on everything.

But also, I clearly just need to catch up on the TV landscape in general. One of the things that’s awesome about being in the Television Academy, is if you wanna vote, you pretty much have to get on top of what’s going on, because you have to have a sense of what you’re voting for.

The landscape is just always changing, and being a voting member (if you’re gonna vote), basically forces you to get back on top of things!

Speaking of some other things I missed, Squid Game is INCREDIBLE. Incredible. Like, beyond words. Amazing. Wild. While I LOVE TV shows, and love to take them in, I think a number of shows you can still get, if you’re doing some other things – if you’re not giving your full attention. But I couldn’t imagine watching Squid Game anything other than COMPLETELY enrapt, barely breathing. (The Marbles episode was the one they submitted, in case you’re familiar.)

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Voting for the Emmys! – Part 1 (I’m a Bit Behind On The TV Landscape (Eep))

August 20, 2022

I thought I’d take a quick break from the Morocco story to just talk about voting for the Emmys tonight (as tomorrow is the last day)!

I love to think I’m a responsible citizen who always votes… And I’ve been waiting so long to become a member of the academy who gets the opportunity to vote, that I need to always be voting.

But the pandemic has been such a blur that I don’t actually remember voting? Did I skip two years? I’m not 100% sure. I guess I’ve been blacked out for two years, in some ways. BUT here I am now!!!

And I have been watching TV like a madwoman, just show, after show, after show. Let’s go, baby!

Ted Lasso truly is great. I get it. People love it. I understand. I really need to go back and watch the whole thing now, as opposed to just a little taste.

Barry is insane. Insane. Like, what is that show about?! The episode they put in our viewing platform starts with like death, destruction, bribery, wildness all the way around. Like, for some reason, I thought it was a show about the industry. I was stupid. It’s not. It’s about a hitman, and I’ve missed a million chapters!

I’ve said this before, and I’m not completely sure if it’s true, but I always kind of think they should put the pilot episodes of everything in our viewing platforms as well, so we can get just some sense of each show if we haven’t seen it. [I know we’re not judging the pilots. We’re voting based on what they’ve submitted for this year. And I guess if the show has grown a lot, maybe they don’t want us taking that into account. But, I dunno. For context, it might be nice, maybe… I dunno. I mean, TV is plentiful. I’m sure we could find the pilots out there in the world pretty easily, usually.

[Note: In some of the overall categories, for newer shows, they did put their pilots. I love them for that, and it truly did make a difference. (Adam Scott is AMAZING in Severance, by the way!]

Anyway…

In *some ways* it’s actually *nice* to be dropped in not knowing what’s going on.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow –

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Crocoparc (Agadir)

August 19, 2022

Mohammed and I had a sort of general gist of what we were doing/where we were going, because I was just trying to see as much of Morocco as possible.

And once we got to Agadir, I saw all these signs for Crocoparc. So, why not?!

It’s exactly like what it sounds – a giant park of Crocodiles.

Crocodiles don’t move a ton (or at least, they didn’t as I first walked through the park). There were SO many, I wondered if some were statues, and/or real ones that weren’t alive.

Though slowly but surely, I started to see them move. And so many had their mouth open… Just sitting there with their mouth open. Turns out, it’s a way to regulate their temperature!

We got to see them feeding crocodiles. And we got to take a little journey through the kind of adult playplace type thing they had going on, with a bridge of rope and stuff.

There was an area where you could go underground and pop up in glass to see the crocodile. We really had a lot of trust in that glass!

A really fun time was had by all. I loved Crocoparc. Now Mohammed and I have matching hats in different colors to commemorate the time there!

And I’ll pick up with more next time (after we talk about the Emmys for a lil’ bit!)

My 43 Days In Morocco! – A Stop By Atlas Mountains

August 18, 2022

I spent a night in Dar Assarou Toubkal National Park Lodge.

I had a little balcony on my room with a gorgeous view of the mountains. And the air just felt so very fresh.

It rained a lot in the morning, so I didn’t go out and do any hiking, but the view was spectacular.

If you really wanted to hike the Atlas Mountains, my understanding is that it takes multiple days. If I was gonna do that, I would be happy to do it through the lodge where I stayed. They seemed nice and knowledgable!

So, after a night and morning of taking in the majestic views of the Atlas Mountains (talked about so much on the internet, and in guide books, so we just had to stop by), it was time to keep going!

 

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 6 (The Overview Of The Waterfall Itself))

August 17, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, I told this insane saga of the way the day worked out. But, I didn’t give the overview of the waterfall – which is just to say:

Ouzoud Falls is truly gorgeous. It’s definitely worth going. I would say it was one of the top sights in Morocco, for me.

It’s huge and sprawling, and lovely, and peaceful.

And I liked taking the long hike down, and the little boat. I’d do everything you could there.

(I accidentally forgot to change into real shoes, so I wore flip flops for the whole thing. I don’t recommend that, but I definitely recommend going!)

It’s beautiful from all angles, super serene. And I just loved it! Put it on a Morocco must-do list!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 5 (The End Of The Saga)

August 16, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, then I hear Mohammed above me! And I have to like not show that I can hear him to other people. But if I don’t acknowledge him, he’s gonna keep yelling my name.

So, I take back my phone from the guy who was taking photos and wildly WhatsApp as fast as my fingers will allow, explaining what’s going on and worried he’s not gonna see or blow my cover.

I give the guy who’d followed as a guide some money and try to tell him seriously to go on, I’m done. I just want him out of there as fast as possible, before Mohammed gets down to us.

I do get the guide to go ahead of me. He takes his money and goes.

Mohammed reads my text and doesn’t talk to me out loud. He sees I’m following up behind me, so he just stays ahead of me.

There are what feels like a million stairs.

And somehow I climbed out of there, and we made it back to the car.

In a perfect world, I would’ve spent a little more time at the top, and tried to hold a monkey. But I’d already pressed my luck about a million times and Mohammed was ready to get back to the car.

So, we did.

And then I saw he’d bought me this super sweet souvenir with my name on it and everything. (We love Mohammed.)

And then off we went.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow [with one more post about the waterfall].

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 4 (Almost Out Of There)

August 15, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, there’s this man on the shore who greets me, clearly very fluent in sign language.

And I’m sure he could probably tell the absolute shock and fear in my eyes. How is there someone way out in the middle-of-nowhere-Morocco who speaks American Sign Language so fluently?

Obviously if I actually were deaf, I would be SO happy to see someone with whom I could communicate. So, the fact I didn’t react with glee I feel like really was alarm bells for them, probably. But then again, what are they gonna to me? Send me to jail for just trying not to talk to people?

I didn’t scam anyone or anything. And I over-tipped the boat guy, ’cause I felt bad.

I guess they could’ve drowned me in the waterfall, if they felt like it. But it feels like that would’ve been far too big of a punishment for the crime.

I quickly tell the ASL guy, as best as I can, that I’m in a hurry and have to go.

Then, on the way up, the guide guy who’s been following me this whole time tries to get me to pose for a pic, now that I’m all the way down at the bottom of the waterfall.

I know I have to get back up to Mohammed at this point, because he’s worried about the timing and stuff.

But I also know that plans can always be changed if we can’t drive as far, and he’s getting paid. Like, I want to be respectful of his time and everything, but I figure we’ll be fine overall.

So, I pose for a couple of quick pics, because if you’re gonna be going all the way out to this waterfall, might as well memorialize the main place to post.

And THEN –

I hear Mohammed yelling for me!

He’s gotten impatient, and started coming down (the way I’d be going up – so backwards) to find me.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 3 (Getting Deep In The Canyon)

August 14, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

I ended up taking the long way down. We kept going and going through more and more nature.

And then I’m getting a little stressed, because Mohammed only wanted me to spend an hour there. At first, I’m like, “how long can it possible take to see a waterfall?” But then I get there, and it’s like… oh. It could actually take a long time.”

So, we take the long way down. And then there’s this little place snack place where I grab a sprite from the NICEST man.

And then I feel even worse that I’m pretending to be deaf, because I don’t want to be lying to these nice strangers.

So, we keep on going forward and forward toward the waterfall.

And by this point, I’m starting to get WhatsApp messages from Mohammed. And I’m trying to tell him on my way. He’s surprised I’m still down there. And it’s like “aaaaaaaaagh, sorry. I’m gonna get back. Don’t worry about it!”

So, then, we keep going and we get to these very cute boats with little chairs.

And I get on one of the little boats that’ll take you around the waterfall.

The guy on the boat speaks very basic ASL!

And while I do speak basic ASL, I was kinda rusty. And I didn’t know the sign he was doing. And at this point, I can’t be like “uh, what does that mean?”

So, I look confused, but if I’m deaf, you’d think I’d know it! Aye, aye, aye.

Then he says out loud “shower.” Like he’s asking if I’m ready to get soaked by the waterfall. And I have to somehow try to play it off like I’m answering him without his spoken English tipping me off.

So, then we get close to the waterfall. It is cool. There’s picture-taking (of the other couple first, and then a few of me).

It was so hard to communicate when I don’t have speaking at my disposal. What a mess I’d gotten myself into deep far down into a (canyon?) literally and figuratively.

So, then we get off the boat, and there is a man who speaks sign language there to greet me!

And this is where we’ll pick up tomorrow.

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 2 (Starting To Go Down Toward The Water)

August 13, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

So, this guide starts following me around. And then I try to stop and give him space, so he’ll go ahead or leave.

But whenever he does go ahead, he waits.

And then I start to feel bad, because it’s like “is he doing the normal ‘guide who won’t leave me alone’ thing? Or is he doing it because he thinks I’m deaf, and he feels bad?

He doesn’t speak sign language. So, I try to just do general signals that like, “No help, thanks. No help.” And he just keeps giving me the “come on, come this way,” signal.

Then I’m trying to communicate with him in the notes app, but he says he can’t totally read English.

I try to communicate no money, no money. I actually do have some money on the trail with me. But I really just wanted to be left alone for a hot second.

I just wanted to hike, and enjoy it, and not have another dude in Morocco coming on to me. [I mean, no offense, and I’m not saying I’m like the greatest thing since sliced bread. I was just exhausted from a number of encounters.]

So, he just kept coming along with me. And finally, I just let him walk with me.

But, because he thought I couldn’t hear, he didn’t actually say anything out loud to me. And no one was around, so it was really quiet, and beautiful. I loved just hearing the sounds of nature, and not having to fill the void with talking.

I heart little bugs and the wind and everything. It was so peaceful to just take it all in.

I also thought about what it really would be like to be deaf. Sounds helped me to know where I was, and where water was. It seemed I could hear insects in certain places (maybe?), and would avoid stepping or putting my hand in any place sounding too hissy.

I hadn’t really thought about how much I use sound even when I don’t realize I am.

And! I could hear dogs barking down toward the river. Terrifying.

But I’m not supposed to be able to hear! So, I have to like not really react to the dogs – which is fine, because they’re far away. But what happens if they get closer?

[Spoiler, I’m gonna be fine.] But I’ll pick up here tomorrow!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Ouzoud Waterfalls! – Part 1 (I Got Myself In A Slight Predicament)

August 12, 2022

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Well, I hardly even know where to start here, because this is slightly embarrassing, but it’s a story I feel like I just gotta share with y’all.

As I mentioned yesterday, the catcalling was like out of control in Morocco. And then, not only the catcalling, but tour guides who just would NOT leave me alone no matter how many times I said no, or I didn’t need a guide.

Mohammed wasn’t allowed to go with me, because drivers aren’t allowed to go as guides. It’s like rules of Morocco with how people are licensed or whatever.

So…

Oh boy.

I just – I felt really desperately in need of having some alone time and not being hassled this whole time. So… I pretended to be deaf.

Obviously, in general, I think it’s not really a great (nor super ethical) thing to pretend you have a disability!

But I just thought hopefully it would get people to leave me alone if I made it harder for them to communicate with me. I didn’t want any special treatment. And I wasn’t going to pretend outside of trying to be left alone on a hike, like when I got back to the car, obviously I was gonna drop it.)

(I wanted to pretend I spoke another language, but I don’t speak any other language nearly enough to get by even a little – especially because many people in Morocco speak Spanish, French, and Arabic. There are fluent languages galore in Morocco!)

So, I pretended to be deaf, hoping no one really knew American sign language. And knowing even if they did, I’d hopefully remember enough to get by enough to get out of the situation.

[I feel like this is the plot to a Seinfeld episode, as it seems like a ridiculous thing I could see one them getting caught up in. Aye, aye, aye. Anyway -]

So, I walk from the parking lot out to the area where the waterfall is. And when people pressure me to be my guide, I just act like I can’t hear.

Try to go on my merry way. And most people let me!

For the most part, this is working fine. People are indeed leaving me alone.

I think I’ve cracked the code….

Until a guide comes along who won’t take no for an answer.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomrorow!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – The Only Thing I Don’t Like About Morocco (The Catcalling!)

August 11, 2022

This is gonna end up being pretty relevant to tomorrow’s story, so I wanted to go ahead and give you this context!

Okay, so I loved Morocco so much. Truly. One of my favorite places I visited – in large part to the amazing driver I had for a fair part of the time, Mohammed, who was so very hospitable, and just the nicest man.

So, I don’t have a lot of complaints. BUT, the one thing I feel like I have to address, just because it will become pretty relevant in a future story in Morocco is that the catcalling was out of control – and I mean out of CONTROL.

Like, if you say no, or ask someone to please leave you alone, they just keep following you and trying to talk to you. Not one single man every laid his hand on me, but they would not stop following.

And catcalling is really bad in America too, and absolutely people in America have followed me too.

But in Morocco – MULTIPLE times, this was not a lone incident, or even one that happened just a few times – I would say it’s fairly regular actually, if you’re a woman walking by yourself, men would GET OUT OF CARS. Like, if a friend was driving, the car would pull over and the passenger would jump out to walk with you/follow you around.

Like, if you’re an American woman alone in Morocco, you will not be left alone if you are walking anywhere. For the most part, I actually didn’t walk anywhere alone, because of this.

But, I was in Tangier for 2-ish of the weeks by myself (because I had to hunker down and basically finish my thesis, and I had class, and Mohammed had other guests, and I didn’t have unlimited money haha). And as much as I was sort of ‘hunkering down,’ I didn’t want to never leave the hotel. After all, I was in Morocco!

But if you’re a woman in Morocco, as much as you possibly can, I would not walk by myself. Again, no one actually touched me. So, you’ll probably be safe in that sense. But it’s just disconcerting to have guys never giving you space.

This became such a problem that I may or may not have tried to pretend I was deaf one day, to see if that helped anything… aye aye aye aye aye aye, so buckle up for that adventure. but yeah… just settin’ the scene!

My 43 Days In Morocco! – Tangier to Beni-Mellal (and Aurora Always Asks ‘Linada’)

August 10, 2022

I never finished the Morocco story, so why don’t we finish that out? 🙂

So, we’re back in business, baby!

After hanging out in Tangier for a pretty long time, it was time to explore a little more. And I met up with our best friend Mohammed!

The main reason we went to Beni-Mellal is just because we were trying to get closer to the Atlas Mountains and Ouzoud Falls. It wasn’t like we were specifically seeking out Beni-Mellal.

But it was actually this cute laid back city. I felt you coulda hung out there for a day or two if you wanted.

The people were incredibly nice (but that was a through line in Morocco).

On the way there, it felt like every diner had a neon sign. (I’m exaggerating. It wasn’t ever one. But lots of places had neon signs!)

So, I don’t know if neon is more popular in that region, and why. But that was a little interesting thing going on there.

One of the ongoing things Mohammed and I used to laugh about was how “Aurora is always asking why – why, why, why Mohammed? Linada, linada [‘why’ in Arabic (I don’t know how you spell it)].”

Because I did always feel like I had a million questions. [e.g. Why is there more neon here than somewhere else?] And most of the why questions, he wasn’t sure. But then he’d turn it around to me, and ask me why certain things were the way they were in America – and so many things, I do not know the reason off the top of my head.

One of the things that stuck with me are the marriage traditions in Morocco. He said that a girl would have to bleed the first time she had sex with her husband. And people would wait for them to bring a veil or something with some of the blood on it, so everyone could celebrate.

And that just felt so invasive. And not *everyone* always bleeds. And if she didn’t, the husband might divorce her. So, I dunno. It seemed a little stressful as a woman in Morocco.

But, hey, I don’t live there!

Anyway, we’ll continue on tomorrow!

The Movie “Not Okay” – Part 2

August 9, 2022

Picking up from yesterday –

[And the spoiler alert continues]

b) IF you’re gonna keep those files for some insane reason I don’t understand, WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR LAPTOP JUST OPEN (both in the literal and more software sense). No password? Anytime I have my own computer in public or at work, I have a shortcut to put my screensaver on, and you have to unlock it after that. I don’t even have any state secrets on here. But I still don’t need strangers getting in my personal business. (And also, if she’s leaving for the whole day, and leaving it there, why not at least just close it? That feels like normal just a way you’d handle your computer.)

c) Why does she even have the laptop at work?! It’s unclear if it’s a work or personal laptop. But either way, she has a perfectly good computer on her desk. Why even cart the thing back and forth – especially with such giant secrets on it?!
d) It was a little upsetting that the MOST unlikable character is the one who found the laptop. It’s REALLY hard to root for that person. We should want to see the main woman have to come to terms with what she’s done – but when the most annoying person, who hasn’t really shown any redeeming qualities, since she’s been a braggadocios gatekeeping meanie from the beginning, is leading the charge… it’s HARD to want that anymore.

I understand that the likable characters weren’t suspicious enough to look. But it would’ve been nicer if there were SOME other way for everything to come to light.

And I think the reason that all stood out so much is because that’s the CRUX of the movie. It’s so important. And the rest is SO good and thoughtful – the most important movement in plot can’t be the weakest point!

That being said, I thought there were some poignant parts. Like, when Dani tells Rowan they’re gonna be like Katniss and Rue. And I took that to basically mean Dani is thinking Rowan will be sacrificed and she’ll be the one who’s remembered by the masses as the hero. While I thought it was already pretty clear what Dani thought, I thought that was an interesting way to frame it!

Anyway, an interesting movie to say the least. I loved basically all of it. And I’m glad TikTok told me to watch it!

The Movie “Not Okay” – Part 1

August 8, 2022

All right, I said yesterday that, as you’re not surprised I watched this since TikTok told me to. So, let’s talk about! [Spoilers headed your way!]

There was a ‘content warning at the background that said, “This film contains flashing lights, themes of trauma, and an unlikable female protagonist.”

I was sort of blown away at the unlikable female protagonist part of the warning. Like, what? Apparently, I guess it was a joke based on what focus groups had said. I dunno!

It had SUCH an interesting opening, showing our lead seeing the internet just destroying her.

The opening was really effective, in part, because all of the things they had people saying about her were versions of things people have really have said about people in their downfalls. It felt super real, and possible. And I thought her despondent reactions super humanized her immediately. So, she certainly didn’t start unlikable (to me, anyway). 

One running thing that was kind of interesting  was, her even starting at the beginning, almost ‘wanting’ trauma… seemingly at that point, to feel something, or feel shaped by something. And just the idea of do certain survivors of trauma become ‘celebrities’? Is this a new class of people we have? And if so, what does that mean? And what is the line between ‘activist’ and ‘trauma celebrity’? 

Like, I just felt there were some questions that were implied in the movie that were interest. 

The plot was fascinating, and for the most part believable – EXCEPT (super spoiler!) Dani had made all these fake photos of herself in France. People thought she was there during a terrorist attack. That’s how she became famous for a hot sec. 

Later in the movie, she’s found out because she LEAVES HER LAPTOP OPEN AT WORK.

If your fame is built on THAT giant of a lie – a type of lie you could probably never tell anyone, not even a therapist, perhaps – if it is basically a bigger secret than I can even wrap my head around:
a) Why would you not FULLY delete the evidence completely from everywhere it might exist? You don’t need those photoshop files anymore. You’re not still working on those photos. They’re public. It all happened. GET RID of the editing files. For what are you keeping them?!

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow! 

Why Are We All So Desperate To Be ‘Seen’?

August 7, 2022

I watched the movie Not Okay. (I’m sure you won’t be surprised that it’s because they have an amazing TikTok presence.

I’m gonna talk more about the movie tomorrow. But in the meantime, I just want to talk about the opening.

Here was the opening monologue:

“Have you ever wanted to be noticed so badly, you didn’t even care what it was for?
…We just wake up everyday thinking,
“I wanna be seen…” “I want to be important…” “I want to have purpose…” I want to be known…” I want to be loved…” “I want to matter…” Yeah, well, let me tell you – be careful what you f*cking wish for.”

And I was just thinking about how so many people really do seem to feel that way. So many of our lives have so much revolving around ‘being seen’. People are fighting for followers. (To some extent, it’s not just about vanity, or being seen, or any of that. Followers also equal money and careers and things, potentially.)

But everybody really does want to be seen.

Do you think we see each other less now with the rise of social media? It’s been in my life for so long, including my whole adult life, that I don’t know what it would be like to live, as an adult, in a world without social media.

Maybe it’s a stupid question to ask why people want to be seen – as it’s just such a basic human need and want. But the monologue just made me curious. And often when I’m curious I just open up a conversation here, in case anyone wants to share their thoughts!

We Really Are All Just Random Humans

August 6, 2022

I heard something the other day along the lines of how ‘crazy it is when you learn everything’s being run by people you went to high school with’.

And like, at the end of the day, that’s all it is.

We sometimes acts like people are practically deities – like CEOs, politicians, whatever, like they’re some kind of special upper echelon as thought they’re a chosen person meant to be there, but the more I get older and meet more people at higher positions, it’s like we’re literally all just people who have embarrassing stories of our youth (or sometimes even our yesterday).

And I saw a tik tok (I know, I know always a tik tok haha) from @javifromtiktok where he talks about how normal it is to fail at things while on the road to becoming a doctor.

And when I watch Tik Toks from doctors who get sidetracked on their path, or have to pull up low GPAs in undergrad by getting MPH or something first in order to get into med school, or people who don’t pass exams a few times – they often make their story so inspiring and cool – which they should!

And then at the end of the day, the people cutting us open are people who got a 3.18 in undergrad (the specificity is ’cause I saw that in a tik tok doctor’s live, about what they got in undergrad, and things they did to make up for it).

And there’s nothing wrong with that! I’d be happy to have my life saved or enhanced by a doctor who did poorly in undergrad as long as they know what they’re doing now.

But I guess one thing I just find kind of funny is I’ve heard SO many “redemption arcs” at this point, I’m kinda wondering how many people even have the “normal arc” to begin with. How many people have just a linear path.

I think probably more people have times filled with struggle than not. And more people have an imperfect life record (not just school, but life) than not.

And I wonder if we should just kinda… this is a silly thing to say, but… normalize being normal.

And maybe that’s what it is when everyone is telling the stories of their imperfections. Maybe that is indeed what’s happening right in front of my face.

And yeah, I’m feeling it. Everybody’s a normie to some extent – even exceptional people are still humans (and definitely have some foibles, I’m sure).

I Think, Perhaps, We Need To NORMALIZE The Idea Of Growth?

August 5, 2022

I mean, hey, while we’re talking about your fave being problematic, and what we expect from celebrities and things, might as well keep talking about this, yeah?

I felt like I had really profound thoughts when I drafted this with the title, and now that I go back to it, I feel a little at a blank hahahaha.

But basically, I think the idea I wanted to talk about was how I do think we kind of pigeonhole people sometimes – depending on what their scandal was. And I think that sometimes the reason people want to deflect and avoid accountability is because they’re scared of the fallout, and the ‘cancelling’ potentially, and being defined as something they don’t want to be.

(I think this is true even of personal relationships too.)

It’s tough, because I think so many things play into this – how close you are to the situation, etc. Like, reformed Trump voters, for example. Let’s say someone was too young to vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton. Then, they voted for Donald Trump against Joe Biden. After that, they had a change of heart… That’s soooort of, in some ways, no harm, no foul.

Joe won. So, their vote didn’t actively do anything. Whereas, someone who actually helped put Donald in (such as someone in a crucial state that Hillary barely lost), it’d be harder for many to forgive them, seeing all the consequences we’re still reeling from.

But if people’s growth can’t be celebrated, why would they want to grow?

It’s hard when people do bad things. It’s hard when we ourselves do bad things. And I don’t know if we have an actually good path for how to allow – not only allow – but celebrate growth.

In a perfect world, people would be great from jump. But we don’t live in a perfect world. So, what do we do when that doesn’t happen?

“Your Fave Is Problematic”

August 4, 2022

Monday’s blog post reminded me of this blog (Tumblr: Your Fave Is Problematic).

A long time ago, I remembered that I loved the idea that it sort of humanized celebrities, because it told us slightly problematic things everyone has done.

(Re-looking at it now, it seems some of them where kinda stretching, ’cause they just wanted all celebs on the blog.)

Either way, your fave is problematic. It’s probably impossible to align with someone literally 100% of the time. I dunno, just a follow up to Monday’s questions.

How Much Do We Have To Be In Alignment With Someone To Support Them?

August 3, 2022

We’ve got another Tik Tok here, and there is so much we could talk about here.

[In case the links ever breaks, or you don’t want to watch it, it’s @lateseagull saying that it’s easy to hate the Kardashians, because their consumption is thrown in our face, and “they’re not talented people, so it’s easy to dislike them,” but it’s harder to look at the celebrities we love and see the bad things they’re doing.]

One part of that that’s actually kind of interesting to me is over the years, I actually have grown to have a lot more empathy for the Kardashians. I don’t know if Kim is purposefully doing a brand overhaul that makes us feel that way, or if she really is just getting softer, or a I get older, I see how hard life is and have more empathy for all she’s been through. I dunno. But I could probably do at least one, if not more posts on how the Kardashians have changed over the years, and how I’ve gone pretty actively trying to avoid all news about them to actually being interested in some of the things Kim is doing in her life. But anyway, to the main reason I brought up this Tik Tok –

Is it our job to always be calling everyone out? Can’t celebrities ever live?

Like, I saw another Tik Tok earlier (which I have searched for you show you, and sadly I cannot find it again!) where this woman just had a cute video talking about how nobody ever do anything bad to JoJo Siwa, or she was gonna come get ’em, or whatever. It was upbeat and in full support of JoJo and she kind of had this little chant going.

But then some people starting commenting how we shouldn’t so deeply support JoJo because she’s saying the word lesbian is like the word ‘moist’ and she doesn’t like it. So they’re like, “now we can’t support her.”

JoJo is a lesbian! She’s said that. She just doesn’t love the word. She prefers to go by gay woman.

And yes, sure, she could’ve been more gentle in her phrasing of how/why she didn’t like the word. But are we really going to be policing a young woman on saying that she doesn’t like the language used in how she identifies?

So the original woman who made the pro-JoJo video (who at the time of the video was unaware of the lesbian comments) came on and backtracked!

And I know that our ‘relationships’ with celebrities are para-social, and we don’t know them. And I know there are certainly some things some celebrities have done that have made me want to write them off hardcore, when for other people, certain things are not as big of a deal. So, I’m not above reproach here to say I’ve never judged a celebrity based off of one thing they’ve done.

But if it’s a celebrity you already like, do we have to be that fickle? One tiny scandal about something they could probably be better educated in, and boom, it’s just like, that’s a wrap, baby?

I dunno. I don’t see the value in just finding out bad celebrities have done and constantly holding them accountable. Like, maybe let people live.

As far as what the original tik tok I linked was talking about, like… I dunno, just let people make exorbitant money and take private jets?

It just feels like there are worse things? I dunno. To some extent, I’m just kind of tired of living in like the judgement factory, and I get it to some extent. There are a million reasons to judge the people (you want superiority, you actually want things to be better and think holding people accountable could help, whatever they did is something you went through as well so you’re looking for your own justice in the form of someone else’s, and on and on and on).

And I definitely have and probably definitely will judge before and again. But like… I dunno. I dunno!

Those were just my little swirly thoughts of the day!

Jake Novak

August 2, 2022

In case you haven’t heard [though if you’ve been on the internet in the last 7 or so weeks, it’s likely you have], he made this video.

And today, this vulture article came out.

I am a little fascinated with every single element of this – with how easily our opinions are influenced by others, with how easy it is to forget there’s a real, true, person with real, true emotions behind the screens, how the tide really turns, whether it is good to just put out content and see what sticks, and what it looks like when someone stops engaging.

So, when I first saw his video, I just kinda shrugged. Like, okay, it was an idea this guy was going for. It didn’t stand out to me as the greatest thing I’d ever seen, nor the worst thing I’ve ever seen [or close on the scale to either of those].

And then more and more people shared it with their own comments on it, and the whole thing kept growing and then as people started to critique it, I thought, “yeah, those critiques are fair. I see how he could’ve made this better.”

And then as some people made videos with their own joke takes on this, some of them were really funny. And in a perfect world, the more lighthearted ones, maybe Jake Novak could’ve laughed at. Maybe.

I know it’s different when your friends are making fun of you vs.  strangers on the internet. So, I sort of laughed at some of the funnier takes that didn’t seem mean-spirited, not really actively thinking of this man getting all this [largely negative] internet fame or what it must be doing to his psyche.

And so, I saw people just kind of making fun for him for a few weeks. I figured it would all blow over. But then recently, I have seen a practical internet army coming to his defense talking about how everyone needs to leave him alone – as there are now people taking videos of him and making fun of him at his job. And yes, his job is public-facing, but still.

Public-facing doesn’t mean he should be bullied.

And it was interesting to hear him talk in the article about how at the time, he thought, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

Because I heard advice ALL the time online that’s some version of “good content is better than bad content, but bad content is better than no content… Perfection is the enemy of good… Throw things against the wall, and if they don’t work, throw more. Just try and see what sticks.” And on and on and on.

Just put stuff out, just put stuff out

But look at this guy. He just tried something, and it severely blew up in his face.

What’s also fascinating to me is that he chose to stay completely silent. He hasn’t addressed it. He hasn’t showed us any emotion – not anger, not sadness, not embarrassment, not  laughing it off, not anything.

And you would think that maybe that would make people lose interest, but instead somehow it’s GAINING more interest. A lot of people are wondering what’s next for him.

So, it’s interesting how laying fully low is actually working overall in his favor. Maybe silence sometimes is the best option.

This is the first ‘scandal’ I’ve seen that wasn’t actually harming anyone. I do think plenty of things have been overblown over the years, but even in the overblown ones, you can see the parties that were harmed. But here? Who was harmed? Just some people didn’t laugh. It’d be easy to just scroll on.

We all try stuff that doesn’t land sometimes. And while people should be able to critique art, the fallout he’s had over this should not have been anywhere near this harsh.

And I’m glad the tide is turning while he chooses to be completely silent for now. It feels calm, and different to actually take time to choose your next move.

Personally, I hope he gets to cameo on the season opener of SNL, and get the last laugh after all this.

Power of Our Mind/Thinking(?) [Mulling Over A TikTok I Saw On This]

August 1, 2022

I saw this Tik Tok.

[If for any reason this link gets broken, or if you don’t want to watch, it’s a Tik Tok by @iamnoravirginia. She basically says that our thoughts have A TON of effect on our reality.
She talks about how there’s a thing called the “tinkerbell effect,” which basically says what you’re believing is what you’re thinking into existence, even if it’s not true. And she gives an example of a study where one group actually got chemo and one got a placebo, and 30% of those in the control group still lost their hair, because they believed and thought they would! And one of her concluding thoughts is, “if you can think your way into losing your hair, can you imagine what else you’re thinking into your reality every single day?”]

It really is wild how powerful our brains are. And I don’t really know what to do with that.

On the one hand, obviously thinking positive thoughts doesn’t always get you positive things. I can think of at least one audition I had where I thought I nailed it SO hard – then didn’t even get a callback.

(Of course that’s just one example. But, you get the gist. Believing in yourself/thinking good things doesn’t always work.)

But often times, it does…

But then also that makes me feel a little crazy, that basically I can just choose how to experience the world.

And I feel like so often, I’m searching what the “truth” is of a situation. What’s the “right” thing to do in this or that situation.

But so often, I guess there is no true “intrinsic” truth. I definitely am afraid of thinking I’m loved if I’m not loved as deeply as I think, but then if I’m suspicious of love I’m shown, that doesn’t really encourage people to love me any deeper, now does it?

But if life is just everything we believe, it makes me feel delusional to walk around that sure of things and choose to be believing all the time.

But I dunno!

I don’t even know if I’m making sense. I just – every time I see an idea like that one in the Tik Tok, it just tickles my brain and makes me a little fascinated.

Harry Styles Unearthed X Factor Audition Footage

July 31, 2022

What?!

Okay, so here’s the video, if you haven’t seen it.

And WOW. My mind is blown has to how life has worked out after that.

I think Harry Styles in an incredible performer. Incredible. And he has such a lovable personality.

But I worked helping with casting for America’s Got Talent back in the day, and I honestly don’t think we would’ve even sent him through to see the judges based off of that audition. The fact that he’s now become a mega-star is mind-blowing.

And what’s so cute is he has diehard fans fighting in comment sections that he actually doesn’t sound bad, because they love him so much. Which is adorable.

But it’s not very good. And that’s okay! His first time on national TV, at 16 years old. It’s okay to not be polished yet! Look what he’s become!

So, I guess some takeaways, in my mind, for this are:

  • People truly can grow and change immensely. If you love something, get a coach and stick with it. I would’ve never expected to see that much growth from someone.
  • The people who love you LOVE you. It’s sweet that he has people so deeply in his corner about a silly video from 10 years ago that he doesn’t even need to be defended for, because he’s famous and great now, so who even cares about that?
  • You always, always have to try. If that audition begat Harry Styles the STAR, imagine the things we think we might not be qualified for, and what those things can become!

Are We All Truly Supposed To Have Unconditional Love?

July 30, 2022

So, I saw this Tik tok.

[And in case the link breaks or anything, it’s a video from @podcrushed. And she talks about how she’s heard that every human being needs to have a tether – that humans need unconditional love, as that is a tether. And if they don’t have at least one tether, they live in a state of crisis.]

And she’s mainly using the example of parents and kids here.

But what does that mean? Because soooo many people don’t have parents. And even though she talks about having kids as maybe getting that unconditional love again, gives you a new tether when your parents are gone.

But I imagine the way parents love their children has to be different than the way children love their parents.

Many parents often say “I never fully understood love until I had a kid” or “you’ll just never be able to understand it until you have a kid.”

So, if it’s a type of feeling you CANNOT have unless you have a kid, it cannot be a feeling you have for your parent(s), or else you would’ve already had it.

I saw a different interesting Tik Tok video the other day about the idea that some people think romantic relationships should have unconditional love, but they were arguing that they vehemently disagreed with that – and that romantic relationships are two adults agreeing to be together, and that it’s definitely not unconditional because there are conditions.

You need that person to show up, to be your partner, to not endanger you, etc. etc. And if they do something that’s a ‘dealbreaker’, then you don’t have to take it.

Yeah, sure, unconditional in that if they get sick you’ll stay with them, things like that. But if they endanger you or your kid, for many people cheating is a dealbreaker as well, that kind of stuff… They were saying it’s okay to have conditions in an adult relationship.

I don’t have kids, but it is hard to imagine that it’s completely unconditional. Like, it’s hard to imagine a serial killer’s parents still truly loving him. But I dunno.

Anyway, I was actually brought comfort by the tik tok (that I’m sorry I can’t find; I just saw it in passing and didn’t save it) that love doesn’t have to be unconditional, that it’s meant to be conditional.

Because it’s overwhelming to think of truly *unconditionally* loving someone.

Of course there are people in my life who have built up TONS of goodwill, and TONS of trust. And if one of those super inner circle people did something awful to me, or to someone else, I would have a HUGE amount of empathy first and I would let them explain, and I’d be way more likely to forgive her. So, I definitely have relationships that are *close* to unconditional love with TONS of benefit of the doubt.

And I think those are healthy, and they do give a nice sense of safety, and a “tether.”

But I just wonder like what truly unconditional really means, how often that comes around, and how truly necessary it is.

 

A Crystalizing Thought On “The Good Place”

July 29, 2022

I happened across this tweet:
“I love that The Good Place starts with ‘hell is other people,’ but is bold enough to conclude that ‘so is heaven’.”

The tweet is by @N7IRL. [I don’t follow them. They just showed up in my feed. So, I know nothing about them besides that. But that tweet was so good.]

I find “The Good Place” so nuanced and interesting… I have a really hard time boiling it down like that. Since the tweet was so well done, I wanted to share it with you.

[Now, I’m not sure if heaven or hell is other people. I’m still lost on life and people, but I do know I’m fascinated by the show and Michael Schur’s mind, and that tweet.]

Do You Have Opinions On Eating Before Bed?

July 28, 2022

So, I saw a Tik Tok the other day (I know – always a tik tok haha) where this guy, for 30 days, is starting a new tiny habit each day to come up with a better routine.

[I’m trying to find it, but I can’t right now. But if I run across it, I will update this, or if you know, let me know! 

(So, like, for instance, one day, he started not sleeping with his phone in his room. Another day, he took a 10-minute walk outside to start the day, and on and on.)

And I really love watching people do 30-day-habits. I think they’re really interesting! I used to LOVE Matt Cuts’ blog back in the day when he did that. So, anytime this guy’s been on my FYP, I’ve thought it was pretty cool.

And, over the pandemic, as much as I tried not to slip on habits and things I ultimately got to some places I didn’t want to be, in some ways.

(E.g. I think I could potentially have some healthier brain habits and some healthier physical habits too.)

So, /i’ve been wondering if maybe I should do my own 30-days thing. And I’m not really positive if that’s what I want to do, per se.

But I have, in general, over the last week been being healthier in general – working out, at least a little, everyday. Eating a little better. Etc.

Anyway, last night, I ended up eating really close to bedtime, and this morning, I woke up and my stomach hurt a little. And I wondered, “oh, should I make it a thing in my life that I try not to eat before bed? I was feeling so good in the mornings the past nights I didn’t do that.”

So, then I looked it up – if not eating before bed is better for you. And the first result was from Cleveland Clinic, and it was like “don’t eat three hours before bed.”

Okay, simple, done.

But then other things are saying you are supposed to? But i feel like you’re not?

I’m sure it’s probably just whatever makes you feel better (or whatever a real doctor you trust says).

But yeah, maybe I’ll give that a go, since I think it actually will make me feel a little better. Maybe I’ll do a mini-personal-experiment.

Anyway, that’s all I got for today! 

Talk to you tomorrow!

Buckle Up For a Lot of Tik Toks and Random Thoughts!

July 27, 2022

Hey! So, I feel like I may have kind of said this before. (I’m not sure if I’m published these words or not haha.)

But I’m really trying hard to get back into the habit of blogging every single day. [In fact, as you may have seen, I am over-blogging, blogging all the time, catching up on things we missed over the last 4 ish years, give or take.]

But not only am I trying to catch up, I’m trying to also be where we are and do one at least one like “new” one a day. So that we’re keeping current and if I ever, ever do “catch up” and fill in everything we’ve missed, then I want to be current and not have all of these months to catch up on, if that makes sense!

But the thing is, is I’m basically chillin’ for this next month. I would love to keep traveling and find new adventures.

But, between the ever intensifying Covid transmissibility that I’m trying oh so hard to outrun, and wanting to slow down on spending money when I’ve spent so much recently on travel, school-related expenses (having just been in grad school), etc., and with just being slightly burnt out after seven straight semesters of school, and needed to actually ‘catch up’ on everything that’s been going in the last however long (sort the pics from all my vacations, write a million blog posts I missed, talk to friends I didn’t talk to as much in grad school, etc.) – for all those reasons and probably more I’m not thinking of in this morning, my current days sort of all look the same.

I pretty much keep to my apartment, and just work out in here. I maybe clean or do home projects, I prioritize catching up on the blog (sorry, ’cause I’ve said that a million times, but it’s a huge priority lately, because I reeeeeally have to lean into DOING that and getting it done, or I have to shrug and like give up. i can’t be behind on it forever. And I’m choosing leaning in and getting it done, because I really liked blogging! So, I want to make it a consistent part of my life again!

So, since there aren’t maybe quite as many ‘big adventures’ as there have been in the past right this second, the next bit of time blogging may just be my thoughts on TV shows, or Tik Toks, or books I’ve been meaning to get around to reading, or things like that.

And I’ve been drafting some of those things, and I was starting every one with some version of “sorry if this isn’t as interesting to you.” But also, if it isn’t interesting, I know you’ll just scroll on past haha

So, anyway, I’m just making this one big explainer/mini-apology. So, now it’s out there and I don’t have to worry about it every post haha.

But I hope you do enjoy the tik toks and things I share, because I’m curious about the world, and so are many other people! So, maybe some interesting discussions will happen.

We’ll see!

I Don’t Know What To Do When Someone’s Like… “Fully Cancelled”

July 26, 2022

Recently, I’ve been talking and thinking about our fave’s being problematic and where is it our job to hold strangers accountable, and does everything have to be so serious or whatever.

And in my mind, I was thinking, “yeah, we should grow empathy!”

But then.

I was looking up more stuff from Latitude 35, because, you know, it all just seems so cool after the women’s rowing adventure and everything.

And I found this podcast. [It’s “Wedu” with a male group of runners from 2020.] And it starts with the camera on the host – Lance Armstrong.

And my gut reaction was like… “what are you doing here?”

And I think in situations like this, that’s where it gets hard. Because when someone does something “small,” it’s kind of easier to move on – especially if they do something royally far away from what they do for a living, and it’s small. (And I know ‘small’ can be very hard to quantify, and can be very subjective.)

But Lance Armstrong’s thing is not small. And it’s not separated from his identity. It’s a HUGE part of it. He’s known for being an athlete. But to my knowledge, all of his titles were stripped away because of all the doping stuff. So his whole entire game is predicated on lies?

Now, even without the doping, he probably was a phenomenal athlete. He has trained SO many hours. And he’s done incredible feats… but again, under at least some false pretenses.

So, what does that mean? Is he just cancelled forever? Because if your livelihood is built on fraud, how do you continue it? I don’t think Milli Vanilli ever bounced back?

But also if that’s been your whole career (and obviously Lance Armstrong had a much longer one than Milli Vanilli, like what are you supposed to do? Not do anything?

I don’t really know what it all means. I just know he gets to host a podcast, and I was taken aback by it, so as much as I’m like “we’re too judgey in society,” some of my gut judgements stick with me, it seems [and I’m still not sure if that’s good, bad, or neutral]!

The Rowers Made It To Hawaii!

July 25, 2022

I don’t know who has or hasn’t been following this story, but Lat 35 has sent a team of 4 women to row from San Francisco to Hawaii to break the world record – which they did!

I saw Brooke Downes’ (one of the rowers) initial video that they were gonna be doing this thing.

And then, I happened upon @schmittly’s page. And she took us all through the whole experience. It’s been so cool to see her updates everyday!

She actually ended up getting to go to Hawaii to welcome the rowers, as she’d become the official hype woman!

It’s all just so cool!

What’s The Deal With Monkeypox?

July 24, 2022

(I don’t actually expect anyone to write and tell me things or give opinion on this, but like if you do happen to have info, I always will take it!)

For a while, the media was framing it as a disease for gay men. I think we’ve all, by this point, hopefully moved past stigmatizing gay men, and also thinking this virus doesn’t affect everyone.

And there aren’t abundant vaccines for this. So, to my knowledge, they are not open to the general public yet. (I did google this to confirm, and I also called my local pharmacy just to like doubly doubly confirm.)

So, unless y’all know something I don’t, the vast majority of the population basically doesn’t have access to the vaccines yet.

I’ve already adjusted my life so very much just for Covid. But one of the things that has felt reasonably safe much of the time has been swimming when there’s no one else in the pool.

I love swimming! I want to get better at it, so hopefully someday I can do an ironman. It’s also a great exercise, and is good for whenever you have an injury or if things change for you as you get older, so I think it’s a good thing to get in your body.

I dunno. I like swimming for multiple reasons. And I like the hot tub!

From what I’ve been reading, right now, it seems the CDC is saying it’s ‘not waterborne’ and that you should be okay in pools and the hot tub… But like… will we be? Or are there enough surfaces out there, etc? How safe are we, really?

I don’t want to start getting all conspiracy-theorist or whatever, but there’s been so much downplaying of Covid in America. Also, there’s already been so much downplaying of Monkeypox! Many sources have been telling us it’s only going to be a disease for gay men, but that’s obviously not the case.

So, I’m likely to be more conservative on protections than the CDC or other major American sources would say right now.

Anyway, I don’t know if it can be spread in the pool or not. I’d probably be fine.

And I probably won’t stop swimming like completely. But I’m tired of everything being so stupid dangerous – and things that didn’t ever used to be dangerous!

Riding rollercoasters and bungee jumping and stuff like that is supposed to be fun and dangerous!

Going to the grocery store, or sitting in your building’s hot tub is supposed to be BORING. I’m tired of their being more weird virus-y things all the time.

Why is this happening? Is it the world becoming more connected? Is it the anti-vaxxers? Is the world ending? Like, what’s happening?

I kept thinking there was an end to all this, but I don’t know where that end is!!!

Celebrities Who’ve Been On A Bunch of Game Shows

July 23, 2022

So, while Ryan and I were talking about game show records and everything. For funsies, we looked up celebrities whom we’ve seen on a ton of game shows, to see how many they’re up to.

Now, we just used IMDb, which isn’t always 100% accurate/updated. So, feel free to fact-check us!

But, as far as celebrities we knew of who’d been on a ton – Sherri Shepherd. Wanna guess how many?

We counted fourteen.

  1. Pyramid
  2. Hollywood Squares
  3. Wheel of Fortune
  4. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire 
  5. Celebrity Name Game
  6. Who Wants to be Millionaire
  7. Family Feud
  8. 100,000 Pyramid 
  9. Hollywood Game Night
  10. Funny You Should Ask
  11. Match Game
  12. 25 Words or Less
  13. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune
  14. To Tell The Truth

We had to check out Caroline Rea. It feels like I see her on game shows a lot.

Twelve.

  1. Pictionary
  2. Hollywood Squares
  3. Who Wants To Be a Millionaire 
  4. Celebrity Blackjack
  5. Match Game 
  6. Funny You Should Ask
  7. Nashville Squares
  8. Family Feud
  9. Match Game (2nd) 
  10. To Tell The Truth
  11. Wheel of Fortune
  12. 25 Words or Less

Then we’ve got my favorite. Absolutely cannot get enough Ken Jennings. How many do you think he’s been on?

… Eleven.

  1. Grand Slam
  2. 1 vs 100
  3. Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader
  4. Who Wants to be a Millionaire
  5. 500 Questions
  6. @midnight
  7. Best Ever Trivia Show
  8. Jeopardy!
  9. Master Minds
  10. The Chase
  11. $100,000 Pyramid

And the last one we checked was Yvette Nicole Brown

Also Eleven.

  1. The Pyramid
  2. Match Game
  3. Celebrity Name Game
  4. Celebrity Family Feud
  5. To Tell The Truth
  6. Match Game
  7. $100,000 Pyramid
  8. Hollywood Game Night
  9. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune
  10. Celebrity Game Face
  11. Password

Are there celebrities you can think of who’ve been on a lot? Can you think of more celebrities in double-digit numbers?

I gotta start working hard to catch up to my game show hero, Ken Jennings!

Who’s Been In The Most Game Shows?

July 22, 2022

So, the other night, I was studying with one of my friends, potentially for a game show, not allowed to be announced yet…? We’ll see! You’ll hear it here, if so haha.

My friend has been on game shows in FOUR(!) countries. And he was talking about how he’d tried talking to the Guinness Book of World Records people to hold the record for most game shows in the most country, but they said it was too specific (which I think is kinda slightly weird, because is that not the whole point of the world record book that at some points is very silly – to have these random, specific world records?).

Anyway, out of curiosity, I asked if he knew who held the record for most game show appearances.

Take a second to guess in your head.

Did you guess?

Because this seriously shocked me. I thought maybe 15 would be the record.

Ready for this?

THIRTY-FOUR.

That’s right. 34 game shows. His name is David St. John, and he’s still alive! Wildly though… in THIRTY-FOUR game shows, he’s only won 5,000 pounds.

(So, at least I’ve won more than him hahahaha *raspberry-tounge-sticking-out-thing ;))

So, in conclusion, I don’t think I’m ever gonna break the record… but I would like to hit double digits! I think that’s pretty possible, considering how many shows are on GSN. So, we’ll see!

And tomorrow, just for funsies, I’ll talk about some celebrities with game show records that would be fun to beat!

Starting a List of The “Things I Say I’m Gonna Do”

July 21, 2022

Okay, so, I’m not really even sure if this is like a good ‘public’ list to keep (but whatever, nothing’s super secret or anything, so who cares).

So, since this idea has just been percolating in my brain, I thought I’d at least write out some of the things I keep thinking/saying I’ll get around to.

Some, I’m a lot more serious about than others. Some I’ve done before and want to get back to it.

Some of these are more “goals I’d like to achieve” as opposed to thinks I “say I’m gonna do and haven’t yet.”

It’s maybe a slightly nuanced difference, but I think of goals to achieve as like “completing an ironman” (’cause I don’t sit around being like “oh yeah, I say I’m gonna get around to that).” It’s more like “that’d be cool to do someday!”

Whereas, I think of “things I say I’m gonna do” like getting braces for my lower tooth (because I’ve said a lot “man, this little tooth bothers me; I really wanna get it fixed).

So, there’s similar but slightly different, and right now, I’m gonna brain dump it all together.

So, I dunno, let’s just start writing so I have something to refer to, if I want to get back to this idea sometime.

(I don’t even know how I want to separate/rank/whatever these.)

So, here are some things:

Physical stuff
– get back to the point of being able to do ultramarathons
– be able to do ballet pointe work in center (instead of having to use the barre).
– dance on a professional sports team (this one would include probably a bunch of other steps – like getting in better shape, etc)
– Learn to ride a bike already! (and that’s just the beginning, after learning, I’d like to do a century bike ride, and an Ironman, and do the AIDS/Lifecycle ride one year

Aesthetic stuff
– get whatever plastic surgery is needed to get rid of extra skin after some years of fairly intense weight fluctuations up and down (and trying not to have too much of those fluctuations anymore!)
– get those braces for my bottom teeth already!
– Laser Hair Removal!!! (I’m Italian, so I’m all like gross and hairy and stuff [I’m exaggerating a little, but I still do hate personal body hair], and I’ve always been told you want to get laser hair removal before your hair goes gray, because then it won’t work as well! I don’t know when my hair is gonna go gray, but I don’t know that I want to wait to find out. I don’t know for a fact that laser hair removal truly works, but it doesn’t hurt to give it a real try! I would say this one is actually fairly high in my priority list, just because you never know when your hair is gonna go gray and I don’t want to wait too late!)

Academic stuff
– finish my UCLA Extension certificate in writing!
– take the GRE (so I can apply to cool PhD program; I won’t say which one until/if we get into it [or if you write me to ask haha])
– and lots of other possible dreams (MBA, JD, etc, but I think starting with a GRE is a good starting point
– Take writing lab at The Groundlings! (I don’t know if this is ‘academic,’ or meant for another section, but since this is just a brain dump, I don’t know if it matters. There are various things I need to put in place to do this successfully, and I still have over a full year while I’m eligible, but this is, in general, on the list.)

Musical stuff
– spruce up my “portfolio.” (I do have some completed musicals. But I think some of the sheet music can be cleaner. And I think some of the demos can be higher quality, and I think there could be better/more interesting ways to package it all on the internet)
– Apply to more things! (I probably should make a definitive list of things like the Fred Ebb Award, the Jonathan Larson Grant, the Eugene O’Neill Festival (those are some of the big ones, but there are a gajillion), and apply every year. This could be an interesting project within itself
– learn to play piano better (this is just a thing in far off like “oh, if I’m looking for a hobby, this might be nice type of thing – I never really say I will do it, and it’s low on the list of things, so I don’t know that I will, but somehow if I completed all the rest, I would love to be a better musician/piano player/better at multiple instruments).

Career stuff
– I want to get an agent and book a commercial (I always think I have to have the absolute perfect body before I try harder to do this, but I might be waiting my whole life if wait for that.

Logistics stuff
– I have multiple computers and like different info spread across them in no rhyme or reason way. I’d like to organize my computers, so it’s clear where everything is, and have it centralized on whatever [a google drive, iCloud, even just a physical hard drive – just very clearly organized and easy to access]
– Organizing pictures – I always say I’m gonna “organize my pictures” but there are so many over all the years, it feels almost impossible. I don’t even know if I know what fully organized means. But I do know I have a bunch in iPhoto on this computer, on that computer, on this phone, on that old phone, whatever. Like, it’d be nice if they also were in a central location (and backed-up, of course), and organized
– True inbox zero (I know even if you achieve this, you have to work hard to maintain it, but it would be nice to ever achieve – even if just once!)

Random
– give a kidney to a stranger (I don’t know how to classify this. To some extent, it’s physical, but I dunno!). I have done a LOT to try to make this happen. So this one is absolutely not for lack of trying. But it is still something I haven’t done that I very much want to do.
– organize this blog! Like, make sure there actually is a post on every day in the calendar that I was supposed to be blogging, make sure posts have photos, make sure they correctly have categories and tags
– some thank you notes I’ve been meaning to send (like to old college professors now that I graduated, even to Wheel of Fortune after I got back from Barbados, but I’ve been waiting to get photos printed, which means I need to get on the ‘organizing photos’ things later in this list – a bunch of stuff is interconnected!
– I’d like to get a beautiful map to go over my fireplace mantle. I like to make my home pretty home-y and nice. I like for it to feel great in here. and I definitely do have some cute decorations up. And it’d be nice to have some cute ones above my mantle. And I’d like a way to track the countries I’ve visited [I want to go to every one. I don’t know if that should be on this list, as that’s basically a HUGE lifetime project], but anyway. I would like to get a trackable map above my fireplace. This is the one I’ve been looking at getting (and, magnetizing the back to make it a country tracker). But I dunno. I’m open to others. And this one is a fairly simple thing to do. It’s more about just when I want to spend the money, as there are clearly other things in this list that cost money that I want to get on. But yeah, just putting it on the list.
– Also, I could probably do a whole little section just on “finances,” instead of tagging it to the end here of the ‘random’ section, but those have fluctuated a lot over the year. And right this second, I am carrying debt again. So, I’d like to be debt free, maybe start saving…

And that’s just kind of my initial brain dump about it all. I don’t know if I got everything. And there are some things that aren’t super important to me that I ultimately might not do. But that’s just like the general starting list of it all.
(If you have suggestions, or things you think I’ve missed after hearing me talk on this blog for so many years, let me know!)

Random Thoughts On The Cost Of The ‘[#] Things I Say I’ll Do’

July 20, 2022

So… I’ve been thinking a little more about the “52 things I keep saying I’ll do in 52 weeks” idea I sorta floated for a hot second.

I still don’t think I’ll ultimately make it a 52 project. But I’ve just been thinking about a number of things I keep ‘meaning to get around to’.

And I’m realizing a fair amount of them come down to money.

For instance, I have one tooth on my bottom row of teeth that’s never been quite straight. Never. Not in a round of braces and two rounds of invisalign.

I’m pretty sure it was the tooth that used to be, for all intents and purposes, completely sideways when I was a kid. So, it’s gotten SO much better.

And people love my smile. I get complimented on it all the time. And I love my smile!

But that one tooth being off a few millimeters always bugs me just a little bit. Like, food gets more easily stuck in that one. And even though it’s not that noticeable, every once in a while it looks slightly odd at certain angles if a picture or video catches it.

I don’t think anyone would have an actual problem with it – and as far as things I’d want fixed in my life, that’s SO far down the priority list. There are other, even physical things, before we get to things outside of physicality I’d rather fix first.

(E.g. I would MUCH rather have a thigh lift to fix my skin from weight fluctuations over the years before I’d want to straighten my barely crooked tooth. I would rather find the perfect shade of brown for my hair, and figure out how to correctly style it, than fix my ever-so-slightly crooked tooth.)

And that’s just one example, but it’s indicative of the overall thing.

I do feel like one of my mantras in life basically is “money? Who cares about money?” And I get that that’s an overall privileged take.

But I always just kind of feel like if you’re really running on fumes, there’s always a way to survive – even if you’re in your last line of defenses (food stamps, homeless shelters, etc), and that you also have so many rungs to fall before you reach that (from small things like getting a roommate, getting a second job or getting a worse job if you don’t have one you want, to big things like bankruptcy or whatever would probably come before homelessness).

So, I dunno. I don’t like stressing about money. I don’t like caring too much about money. I kinda tune out politicians whose main messages are “class!” “the rich!” “money in politics!” Like, yeah, those things matters, but I care so much more about the social issues [though I do believe they’re all interconnected].

Anyway, I’m digressing.

But all that to say I think a number of these things I always ‘say I’m gonna do’, a number of them keep getting put to the back burner because it’s like “do I want to fix a tiny flaw for like $6,000, or do I want to take an international trip/save for a plastic surgery I’d rather have/etc.” “Do I want to spend money on laser hair removal, or should that be used for something else?”
“Do I want to spend the money on the big honking SUV ubers to transport my bike to a safe park/parking lot where I can learn to ride it, since I can’t ride a bike well enough to ride there, and there are no places within my walking vicinity that have the place to learn?

And on and on and on. And obviously those expenses run the gammut. Even if the uber ride is like $30, give or take, let’s say, well $20 – $30 isn’t so bad… But both ways, now you’re up to maybe $60 or so for the day… And say you do it 2 – 3x/week because want to make progress. You could all of a sudden be spending $600/month just to learn how to ride your bike [although I recognize there may be other workarounds than that].

If you put that much away each month, at the end of a year, you could pay for your braces!

So, in conclusion, I don’t think it’s just me always pushing things to the side. I think some of it is me ‘waiting’ to have the finances to invest in some of these things I’d like to do…

But there have been points I’ve had nice jobs and could’ve had the finances – had I chosen to prioritize things differently.

So, I think if I really want to start prioritizing the things I say I wanna do, it might be worthwhile to make a list of like what ones require more urgency. (e.g. I’d really like to finish my UCLA extension program. I think you’re technically supposed to finish it in 5 maybe? I’m not sure. That’s probably something I should look into (eep), but either way, it’d be nice for it to be done.)

So, I should probably be ranking and then budgeting, as much as I hate money stuff… it might not hurt to at least just kinda slightly critically think about it. *shrug*

So we’ll see what kinda list I start making and what I can chip away at – if I focus on it… which I may or may not, time will tell, I suppose!

My First Viral(?) Tik Tok?!

July 19, 2022

Well, that was unexpected. And a little wild.

I LOVE Tik Tok. Love it. Like, cannot get enough of it. It is the one app I use purely for enjoyment.

On twitter and instagram, etc., I’m always slightly worried about my ratio and all that. And hashtags. And whatever.

On Tik Tok, I’m there for fun! I love to watch videos, and duet some. I like silly trends.

And so I thought I’d hop on a trend, just for funsies. There was a trend going around where you’d say “the top 5 (or 10) things you wouldn’t do based off what you learned in [your profession].” So, I did “the top 10 things I wouldn’t do after working on reality television.”

I thought like 10 people would see it. But no. It’s up to over 300,000 views! I don’t know if that fully constitutes being “viral” per se, but it felt viral for me! I jumped up an extra 1,000 followers in one day – getting the ability to go live! It was pretty cool!

I mean, it also had the less cool side. Overall, the comments were positive, but I had a small handful of people being like “it’s not like this!”

And sure, I generalized a bit. Not every show is awful. But all the things I mentioned are things I’ve seen happen. I tried to just be nice to anyone who did comment that and say things like “I’m happy you didn’t experience this side of it!” And for the most part, people dropped it after that. There was one guy who made a stitch. He has a big following, so that made me a little nervous. I kinda wanted to walk things back, because I’m intimidated by this guy who’s an EP and has all this super confidence on Tik Tok. But… whatever, I guess.

There was only one guy who just kept going in my comments saying things like asking me not to act like I had experience I didn’t. And I was basically like ‘dude, you can disagree, but don’t discount me. I’ve done over 20 shows.’ And he was like “Oh. 20 shows?” But then asked follow ups to try to discredit me, because I wasn’t the right positions on those shows or whatever. So, eventually, I just let that peter out.

But it wasn’t the people who disagreed who were most interesting to me. People who were ON reality shows started commenting or messaging me! And a bunch of other people in the industry did too. And most people agreed with my assessment – which, in case you’re wondering was just… don’t go on a reality show. That was all 10 things (number 10 – 1 is just don’t do it) that I wouldn’t do, after working in the field.

 

Future Ideas for 52 in 52 or Other Projects

July 18, 2022

Sometimes I just like to sit around and dream. I don’t know if anyone wants to sit around and dream with me, but if you want to comment or anything, I’d totally take it and love it!

One I’ve been thinking about recently… but I don’t think it’s super plausible is “52 Things I Keep Saying I’m Gonna Do” in 52 weeks, to kind of tie up those loose ends of “things you always say you’re gonna do,” but… you haven’t yet.

But the main this is, I don’t know how actually feasible this is. Because the main thing I know of that I “keep saying I’m gonna do” is really learn how to ride a bike.

I won a bike in a raffle years ago now, and I really wanted to learn, so I could participate in the AIDS LifeCycle ride. (It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and one of their events is where I won the bike, so it feels like I should pay it back forward or whichever way to the organization.)

But I still don’t know how to ride a bike.

I did take it down to Griffith Park and ride around a little and get a feel for the bike. But there is no way I’d be surviving okay outside of the parking lot where I was riding around. I need to have much better control on how to stop and start, and also just better control of keeping in a line. When I have a whole parking lot, I’m fine, but if I had to stay on a little strip of road, I maybe wouldn’t be as fine.

Now, I think I could do it. I remember being stressed learning how to drive, and not being good at it at all (failing my first driver’s test). But I can drive now (pretty much ;)).

So, I think I could do it. And I’ve never put a big ‘due date’ on my bike riding or anything (hence, probably one of the reasons I haven’t learned yet).

BUT… it’s not something you can necessarily learn how to do in just a week. (Maybe you can, but I had a rough time on the bike, so even if I fully dedicated myself for a whole week, I don’t think I’d learn well enough to be biking from San Francisco to Los Angeles.)

And I feel like that’s the case for many of the things I keep ‘saying I’m gonna do.’

Some other things that come to mind if I really think about it (tbh, a lot of them have to do with biking, because once I learn, I’d like to do a century bike ride, and I’d like to do an Ironman…), but yeah, I always say I’d like to get to inbox zero. This is never something I actually stick with.

I keep meaning to finish my UCLA extension certificate in television writing… I haven’t yet.

I haven’t yet taken writing lab at The Groundlings (though in the case of that, we’ve been in a pandemic, so this is one I couldn’t have done for a long time).

I DID finish my college degree and get a master’s degree! And the college degree was on the “oh, I maybe probably will get around to finishing this someday” list for a LONG time.

So… anyway,
1) I don’t know if there are actually 52 whole things I can find that I always said I’d do and haven’t yet, but even if I think reeeeeally hard, and expand it out to things I thought would be cool, or even thought of doing and I come up with 52 full on things…
2) I don’t think that probably any of them could be accomplished in just one week. And if they could, it would take a LOT of time within that week. And you could argue that I could be doing a little for multiple projects for a whole year, but I think it would still take a tremendous amount of time and planning to make everything merge in a way that I could get them all done in one year.

I mean… it is possible… But… I dunno. I don’t have to start my next project until December of 2023 (I can start earlier if I want, but that’s when I ‘have’ to, to keep the consistency goals going.).

And maybe I just need to decide that I’m gonna be done with a bunch of these things by then, and then the point will be moot. Who knows. But I am up for ideas, if anyone happens to be reading this and has any!